Dance,Dance in the freedom we know

Is Shifting!

2009-12-13T22:50:00.004+08:00

Yes i'm no long super. lol. meh. I guess a new chapter of my life would definitely bring about changes and one of which just happened to be my blog. I dont know if anyone still reads it but apparently a couple of friends still do so here you go, the new blog address, www.ohchivalry.blogspot.com

I'm gonna try and blog more, as i'm trying very hard learning to express myself better and i'd figure the writing helps. hopefully.

so cheers.

:)

So What's Next?

2009-12-09T19:17:00.002+08:00

Okay, 2 posts in one day, i'm just really bored now that i'm on block leave. Anyway, it's so very saddening to see all their POP photos on facebook, while they are all throwing their caps in tekong yesterday i was in bed recovering from high fever. Wished i could've been there with my brothers till the end but alas i just had to concede defeat to this silly fever.

Mmm so what's next? I really don't know but i do hope to get into the Flying Experience Program (FEP), i heard it's slack and high pay, plus you wont lose the chance to go to command school if your air grading fails. They all say that i'm OCS bound but things DO happen and so i'm keeping my fingers crossed till the postings are out.

Well if i dont get into OCS, SISPEC's the way to goooo, i just dont want to be a man. I can't imagine telling my son next time, "ah boy ah, your dad was a infantry MAN last time! everyday chiong sua!", man that would be kinda xia suay. So NO! no man! please!

And if i do get into OCS, it's gonna be so tempting to sign on. Signing on would mean that i dont have to rely on my parents anymore! Oh wow, they could really use those grands for holidays and retire blissfully without a tinge of worry for their thoughtful son, heh heh. But it's gonna be a 6 year bond tho and i'm not so sure that i want to give up the dreams of teaching just yet.

Guess there's lots to think about, now that more options are opening up and i hate to say it but all these things sound so dang important!

Is God Cruel?

2009-12-09T09:14:00.005+08:00

You know, Punggol is a nice place to live in. There are kids EVERYWHERE and they are all O'so cute, they're like sunflowers on a field that just perk your day up, well that is if you like children.

I heard from my mom about a news whereby a five year old child was knocked down by a car, more specifically a Subaru Impreza and i just felt kinda devastated. The child died inevitably because the car was speeding and i asked myself this, why did God allow this to happen? Cant He intervene somehow? I would've answered this easily if i was doing better but right now with my dwindling faith i could only throw myself logical suggestions.

Anyhow, at the end of it i came to this conclusion, humans are screwed up, like totally. I guess that's why we need a Saviour. It's never God's fault that all these mishaps happen, He gave us free will and control and i guess we just mess things up, oblivious to the consequences of our actions. Ah speaking of consequences, we will never be able to escape from you, and now the death of a little girl for a man's folly.

And I'd never fathom how God can love the man as much as the child. never.

Looking Back.

2009-11-29T13:24:00.003+08:00

9 more days to POP and i am so happy. I'm tired, really tired mentally all this while trying to cope with the things that's happening in me. I've somewhat changed and i'm not really liking the "me" right now but hey, now that's a motivation to change for the better.

I guess it's been too long since i spend time, like real quality and proper time with God. I can imagine my "spirit man" drying up, like spongebob out of water and i'm not doing much about it. I'm just really punched out by fatigue and it really killed my desire to go to church sometimes. Army's such a big test and it revealed so much ugliness in me and just what my faith stands on.

And there's the matters of the heart as well. My esteem took several blows looking at how i'm going downhill on my morality and principles that i just dont see myself worthy of who she is. I guess that's why i've not been contacting her at all and argh it's kinda killing me.

Oh if only i could find the "off" buttons for my emotions. Oh wait i think i found it, army. Ha, i used to look forward to booking in because i thought that army was fun and full of new experiences (it really is.), now i look forward to it because it numbs me. I just have to go around and do stuff people tell me to but come bedtime when these thoughts return, all i could do is switch on my ipod and listen to my "emo songs" playlist.

Ahhh, at the end of it all, all i can say is that "nothing seems right when i'm not with You".

Hello, Good Morning How Ya Do.

2009-11-15T15:23:00.002+08:00

I was writing my commanders' appraisal and i discovered something about myself, I suck totally at describing people. I guess i'm bad at processing people's actions, speech and intentions or maybe i'm just plain shallow at judging people. Bah, anyOhow it's something to add to my "who-am-i-really" list.

It's funny how you live so long, how you look into the mirror each day and sometimes wonder, IS THAT ME? I mean like me, wow me, look i can raise up a hand, do a twirl or maybe a somersault in the bathroom. Ha. This the season for me to know myself better and i'm trying to compile a list of things i know about myself, the things i like to do, my intentions, my school of thought and stuff. It's outright weird i know but yet it's a journey i have to take, a journey to find out who this person i'm living with for the past 20 years really is.

If I Don't Come Back... (2)

2009-10-25T12:34:00.002+08:00

tell my mom i love her. hahahaha. Okay, a few more moments and i'd be off to defend my country or rather learn how to defend my country. Field camp's starting tmr and it's gonna be the highlight of BMT and i sure hope i'd survive this without needing to report sick or anything.

It's gonna be tough both physically and mentally but it'd be quite an experience, sleeping in tents and holes, putting camo cream on your face everyday, crawling around and stuff. Ahhh i just hope the shagness of it all wont pull me down and turn me selfish or worst still, a raging mad man. It's simply too easy to go into rage mode and getting angry at people who seem so blur and selfish sometimes. Sure hope everyone would cooperate and work together as a platoon so we wouldnt get tekan like crazy and swim in mud pools.

God save us all!

When the Initial Excitement Wears Off...

2009-10-17T23:24:00.003+08:00

and all i'm left with are my goals and an integrity to keep intact. Argh. Hopefully these would be enough to keep me motivated. God help me. It's been 5 weeks and i'm getting bugged by this feeling, oh yes it gotta be the feeling of lethargy.

Yeah it's still "fun" and all manly but i guess this dreadful feeling has its way of creeping up on you. It leaves you at a sub-standard, unmotivated state and tempts you to just take the easy way out sometimes. Oh lethargy how i hate you so.

Okay got to pull myself together now and keep giving it my best shot, whatever it takes man. I guess this is the part where it gets mental and high time i get honed in this aspect!

:D

2009-10-11T18:24:00.000+08:00

One of the best weekend ever.

Book In Happy, Book Out Happier.

2009-10-02T22:13:00.002+08:00

"Book in happy, book out happier". That was my reply to one of my awesome bunkmate when he caught me smiling all the while when we're on the ferry to our "chalet". Haha i think i'm a lil nuts having such positivity but hey, it's a good thing.

Ahh 3 weeks already! I've met all sorts of people in here and it's a huge part funny but frustrating sometimes. Gotta say that the army is the place where your patience is put to the test and how far you'd go to love your neighbors even if they're really hard to love. So far i think i'm failing like crazy lol. Okay. Love more and make fun less.

But on a more serious note, i've gotta look at my intentions on doing things. Even if i'm giving my best, am i doing it just to get to command school or am i obliged to do my best for God? Mmm it's something i have to keep reminding myself, just what is my motivation, my goals and aims or God Himself? Oh may it never be that i give this my best shot just because i wanna get what i want.

Argh and please pray for my throat lol, i'm losing my voice and croaking like a toad every book out. I cant even sing my favorite songs :( Ahhh the consequence of being a timer and "singer" in the company.

Now That's Something Worth Defending.

2009-09-27T14:54:00.002+08:00

2 weeks into training and it's been tiring but nevertheless fulfilling. I kinda like it actually, lol first day in there and the ncc cadet in me just took over, i guess regimentation's in my blood.

It all lies in the attitude actually. If you went in with an attitude that you're gonna waste 2 years of your life, then you probably would. It'd be much better if you go in with a more positive attitude. Good thing i'm of the latter, or maybe i'm just plain silly, I went in thinking i'm gonna serve my country :D and that everything i have here is worth defending. Sounds like a whole lot of patriotism but hey, a man's gotta do what a man's gotta do, it's part of being a MAN. Oh my, now i feel kinda sad actually, i'm probably from the wrong era XD, who still hold these thoughts these days?!

Thank God for everything i've experienced in there so far, my bunkmates are awesome and so are the commanders (none too sadistic or anywhere near that.phew.). Oh and not forgetting my wonderful parents, they've been treating me soooo well every time i book out. Lol cant forget how my mom sounded when i called her during the first couple of days in there, i thought she was close to tears XD

So i guess this would be my final phase of growing from a youth to a young adult, it's a brand new chapter and i like it. (i've always loved new things anyway.) There'd be more challenges to overcome, more discoveries about myself, more changes i have to make and also the failures i'd have to pick myself up from but with God, i'm sure i'm gonna have a blast of a time in this season :D

It's Half-past Redemption.

2009-08-25T20:40:00.002+08:00

It's half-past redemption and it's so damn hard.

Nevertheless

2009-08-07T22:39:00.002+08:00

Mmm been listening to the songs from these guys (they're called Nevertheless) lately. I'd say they're a secular christian band and their songs are pretty sound.

And this is for that special someone who might not even see this lol.

What if the fad burns out?
What if we're left without
Anyone to call our own?
You've got it figured out
If ever your in doubt
Never have to feel alone

People they come and people they go.
I could be wrong, but,
There's one thing I know
It's a longshot, baby,
But someday both of us will die
So I was thinking, maybe,
I could be your semi-perfect guy.
You don't know me, baby,
But I was hopin' we could try
For a longshot, you and I.

What if we take a chance,
What if we break your plans
And let me sweep you off your feet
You said you hate romance,
But I'm a persistent man
And I want you here with me

People they come and people they go.
I could be wrong, but,
There's one thing I know
It's a longshot, baby,
But someday both of us will die
So I was thinking, maybe,
I could be your semi-perfect guy.
You don't know me, baby,
But I was hopin' we could try
For a longshot, you and I.

I've been prayin' all my life
For love that's true,
But I never thought I'd get a girl like you.
O can't you see
Heaven sent you to me. (i lol'ed @ this line. really. it's super cheesy.)

It's a longshot, baby,
But someday both of us will die
So I was thinking, maybe,
I could be your semi-perfect guy.
You don't know me, baby.
But I was hopin' we could try
For a longshot, you and I.

Rest.

2009-08-06T21:35:00.000+08:00

Somebody

2009-08-05T23:48:00.000+08:00

Somebody please kick the idealist out of meeeee.

If I Don't Come Back...

2009-07-20T22:03:00.002+08:00

Tell my mom i love her hahahahahahahhahaha. That's what those soldiers in movies always say before going off somewhere isn't it?

I've got less than 12 hours left and mmm all i can say is that i'm really excited at what God's gonna do! Ha looking at my 7th Jan post, this trip's gonna be an answered prayer (or rather resolution?) and i'm tremendously grateful for this opportunity. Throughout the months i've seen God's hands at work paving the way for the trip. Gonna list em here:

Keeping my Industrial Attachment Program's cash intact. (heh. thank God i've got nothing to spend on)
NS enlistment date falling on September.
Permission from Dad. ( 180 degrees from an absolute no! Praise God!)
New Tribes Mission camp, which provoked my thoughts about my life and missions. ( Didn't want to go in the first place but somehow got to go thanks to Deb!)
Protection from lots of spiritual attacks, haha from driving scares to suicidal thoughts, and whatever.

Yea man! God's been so faithful and I've just got this really awesome encounter last night after being felt led to read Jesus' crucifixion. I just broke down somehow as i confessed my imperfections and unworthiness. Heh and God just showed me this vision of every single imperfection nailed to the cross. Whoa really uplifting and thankful for that.

Now with that said, it's time to go by faith! Faith in that God is gonna do something awesome over there both in the our hearts and others. Do pray for the team if you have got 20 seconds to spare =D

And They Shouted.

2009-07-20T08:43:00.000+08:00

"Crucify Him!"

Here I Am, Lord Send Me.

2009-07-19T08:18:00.003+08:00

"Woe is me, for I am ruined!
Because I am a man of unclean lips,
And I live among a people of unclean lips;
For my eyes have seen the King, the Lord of hosts."

Then one of the seraphim flew to me with a burning coal in his hand, which he had taken from the altar with tongs. He touched my mouth with it and said, "Behold, this has touched your lips; and your iniquity is taken away and your sins is forgiven."

Then I heard the voice of the Lord, saying, "Whom shall I send, and who will go for Us?" Then I said, "Here I am. Lord send me!". (Isaiah 6:4a-8)

I'm far from perfect. I have issues that I have to deal with, struggles I have to go through and obstacles I need to overcome. But praise be to the Lord our God, our giver of grace, our well of strength, our fortress of love that keeps me going.

I'm cleansed. I found Him to be faithful and righteous to forgive me for my sins and iniquities. I know that there'd be a day that I'll have to stand before Him, fearing not for the things I've done because I know I've been forgiven, but what about the things that I should have done but did not?

I'm called. Not in dreams nor fancy visions, no loud booming voice nor clouds that suddenly form words. It's nothing mystical. It's just how much you believe what God says in His Word, "Go and make disciples of all nations and baptize them in the name of the Father, the Son and the Holy Spirit, teaching them to observe what I have commanded you and lo, I am with you always, even to the end of the age."

I'm here. Send me. For all He has done, I'm willing to go. This life I have don't belong to me no more, I've lost my rights to plan out my life the way I want it to be. I don't know if I'd fail Him in the end but at least I would've tried.

"So here I am, Lord send me to the imperfect, that they may know that You have reconciled them to Yourself by the blood of Your Son just as it has been written in Your perfect Gospel."

(and here's a really meaningful song that i've heard.)

MV

2009-07-18T11:30:00.001+08:00

Lol stumbled upon this on youtube. Didn't know MercyMe's got MVs =O

Can the Joshua Generation Please Stand UP?

2009-07-12T19:36:00.004+08:00

Observed today's extra-ordinary general meeting and i'm quite disappointed and discouraged. It seems to me that people treasured their own opinions and views over what God might actually have for us? Do people actually think and pray before they voice their views? Are they not at all afraid that they'd be held accountable to God on Judgment Day?

Is it just gonna be a new building? I'd rather we all get new hearts. If we moved there with such a lousy heart attitude, the new building would just be an shell, devoid of TRUE WORSHIPERS. Where's the heart of expectancy? If people would've prayed 30 seconds a day for the church, they would've felt that God is going to do something NEW and something really really really AWESOME. Or have we accepted our defeat and gotten comfortable in this pit which stinks of unbelief?

At the end of it, i thought to myself, we are the new generation, if the church would grow, it'd grow thru us. I wanna be a Joshua and lay hold on what God has in store for us!

GOD SHAKE US OUT OF OUR STAGNANCY!

Of Sin and Strongholds.

2009-07-10T23:10:00.001+08:00

"Every time you yield to sin, you are passing a brick to satan to build his stronghold in your life."

Faith Simplified.

2009-07-04T09:04:00.002+08:00

Learned something really important regarding faith.

Take a bank that has been established for 150 years by men of proven integrity and another just 3 days by 3 rich crooks. Which one would you put your money in? Which of these you put your money in, therein your faith lies.

You're at the side of a gushing river, there before you lies 2 bridges, one broken wooden one with lots of holes and termites and another, a solid concrete bridge complete with steel railings and lamp posts. Which one would you choose to walk on? Which of these you choose to walk on, therein your faith lies.

Faith isn't (and shouldn't be) churned out of me. It's simply based on the "options" (there's probably a better word since i have a limited vocabulary XD) that is before us. Which one would we deem reliable? God or ourselves?

Worth it.

2009-06-25T22:19:00.004+08:00

Had a really awesome time at the camp hosted by New Tribes Missions. God never ceases to amaze and i'm really thankful for this "second chance" to attend this camp. I've got to learn and experience lotsa stuff during the camp and most importantly, to hear Him speak.

I'm challenged. This "Big Picture" Camp turns out to be a big challenge. I had to re-look at my life and question myself, how committed am i to His call to go and make disciples of all nations. Oh, how many wrong opinions i've held about what missions is and God's true heartbeat!

Whose life is it anyway? Is it mine or God's? If it's God's then do i still have the right to plan out my life? Do i still have the right to fulfill my own dreams and aspirations? Do i still have the right to do what i like and am comfortable with?

Overtime we just forget who we really belong to. It'd be a great big no to the above questions if we know that we've been purchased by the precious blood of Christ. Yeah, I know it's heavy stuff. When i heard that during the camp i felt as if someone tied a boulder to my heart and i just want to dieeeeeeeee please.

I want to follow Jesus, all the way. It's gonna be hard, it's gonna be painful to really say "Thine will be done" but it's gonna be worth it.

The Ardent Christian is a Contrite Christian.

2009-05-22T23:17:00.002+08:00

Is 57:15, James 4:6b & Ps 51:17

Where does God dwell? He dwells in the high and lofty places and He resides in the hearts of the contrite. The ardent christian is but imperfect, he is still as susceptible to falls.

There first be an acknowledgment that something has come between his relationship with God. Then there be an admittance and confession followed by renewed will to turn away from that dividing wedge. Grace is bestowed to those who humble themselves while those who continue to pride themselves with pretension may just find God as their opposition.

We must sometimes come to a point of acknowledgment that we simply cannot save ourselves and that we are desperately in need of God's grace. If we continue to hold to the "God-cant-help-me" attitude then we can surely expect no victory at all for we have reduced who God is. (oh what an insult actually!)

"A dire need leads to a desperate cry. We fail to see how dire the need (in this case, of humility) is and that's why we're not found crying anymore."

Testify To LOVE.

2009-05-20T23:28:00.001+08:00

The Ardent Christian Knows that the War has Already Been Won.

2009-05-19T23:11:00.002+08:00

John 16:11

The ardent christian knows that the war has already been won and the enemy now stands condemned. Satan stands condemned at the triumph of the cross where the Lamb of God was slain to take the sin of the world away.

So every battle we face now is understood as the work of a sore loser. As he fights these battles and temptations, he never forgets that the war has already been won. Though he may fail sometimes, he knows that nothing will ever change the TRUTH that God is triumphant.

God holds the victory and we are called to be heirs of that victory. Oh that we might shed that defeatist attitude and REJOICE in the victory of our Lord Jesus Christ!

The Ardent Christian is a Dependent Christian.

2009-05-17T00:08:00.002+08:00

Psalms 121 & John 15:5

The ardent Christian is a christian that is dependent not on man but God. He goes thru the same circumstances, the same temptations, the same valleys as others go thru. So what makes him different?

He lifts his eyes to the mountains of obstacles ahead and questions himself, "Where shall my help come from?". He knows that his strength will fail him and his own wisdom will fool him, surely his experiences are enough to tell him that. Yet, his heart holds to this knowledge, "my help comes from the Lord my God, the Maker of the heavens and the earth". He knows that his help comes from the One who set him on the very journey itself and the One who allowed him to go thru these very obstacles. So why not trust Him?

As life goes on, he begins to examine and reflect upon his life. He counted the times he was delivered and wondered to himself, surely God is trustworthy so why not trust Him more? And he did. Now, it finally dawned on him that without God he can do nothing, he sees the times he fought with his own strength and lost utterly and he sees the times he trusted and was delivered.

The Ardent Christian.

2009-05-16T23:50:00.002+08:00

As i look at the world around me i just cant help but realize it's really really not easy to be a Christian. We are bombarded by so many sensual materials, so many false philosophies, so much wickedness and everything's just shouting out loud, "There is no God!". Well, it has already been said that in the last days all this would happen, so i questioned myself and God, how would i survive and how would i run with EXCELLENCE?

"Be an ardent Christian."

"I'd love to be that and it sounds really cool!"

And then there was this surge of impressions of what an ardent Christian is like as i sat on the bus contemplating. I was so amazed at what the Holy Spirit was laying in my heart but i'm just so lazy to have taken them down in a notebook! (grrr. stupid me) Ha. But i'm gonna take it slowly and continue to see what God is laying in my heart. Oh this is gonna be so exciting! A new devotion series!

Love is Patient

2009-05-11T22:31:00.003+08:00

Patient:

(dictionary.com) Bearing provocation, annoyance, misfortune, delay, hardship, pain, etc. With fortitude and calm and without complaint, anger, or the like.

(strong's) to be of long spirit, not to lose heart; to be patient in bearing the offenses and injuries of others; to be mild and slow in avenging; to be long-suffering, slow to anger, slow to punish.

Patience is not just about waiting. Patience also comprises of mercy in view of wrong doings and it's the opposite of anger. So what does it mean by love is patient? I think it is loving in mercy and in tolerance towards mistakes and offenses. It's also about waiting and not rushing into fulfilling emotional demands and needs in a relationship.

For God to love us in patience is for Him to display His mercy upon us. He does not give up on us and continues to draw us back to Him. Ah! So many a times we fail to realize this and chose to run away and hide. (Like Adam and Eve first did.) Mmm i hope that as we grow and mature in Christ there will be less of such tendencies!

Actions.

2009-05-04T21:55:00.003+08:00

"That world outside there is not waiting for a new definition of Christianity, it's waiting for a new demonstration of Christianity." - Leonard Ravenhill

I got reminded of this quote today and sure enough God had something for me to do. I spoke to this blind man selling tissue and it was quite an interesting encounter. I asked him questions about how he manage and stuff and we talked about the weather and the recent news as well. He's really friendly! Then i drifted to this question, "Do you think Singaporeans are kind?". His reply was that we're probably more helpful some 10 years ago, but times have changed and people are really busy nowadays (so utterly true, huh).

I was wondering how am i gonna share the gospel with my half-bucket mandarin. Then he popped this question, "What is your religion?" (in mandarin) and i replied, "wo shi ji tu jiao tu!". Guess what? He is too! Hahaha. So we spoke about what fellowship we go to and i found out that he actually wrote songs and sang them. I'm so privilege to be able to hear them thru his mp3 and though i could only make up some parts of the song, i could really feel the love for God in his voice and lyrics.

Turns out, he blessed me more than i could bless him. I could only give him that few dollars and yet from him i learnt so many lessons. The greatest is this, to rejoice in the Lord always, no matter the lack. He is blind, he needs to go for kidney dialysis every other day, he lives alone and barely makes a living, yet he continues to rejoice in His salvation and there was not even a hint of disappointment at all. Praise God! It's so amazing!

Wah really thank God man. Now i've got something to do, i needa find a recording studio! His desire is to record his songs into a CD and send them to other blind people in Singapore and China!

One Life to Live, One Life to Give

2009-05-01T22:19:00.005+08:00

Worship retreat was awesome. The theme could be summed up in 1 verse, "So teach us to number our days, That we may present to You a heart of wisdom." Psalms 90:12. We only have one life to live and what are we doing with it? What are we investing it in? I'm faced with questions that really made me look at my 2+ years of being a Christian and honestly evaluating myself with the search-lights of the Holy Spirit. On top of that, there were also questions about our personalities and giftings (which were really tough!).

Till this point, i honestly still cant answer all of the questions but i guess i'm gonna take it slowly and see what God is speaking. Actually i find all these quite in line with what i'm dealing with right now. I'm contemplating what God really wants me to do with this life that He has given. There's a couple of inclinations and a whole lot of uncertainties. Is it teaching? Is it missions? Is it full-time? Is it to sign on? Or is it back to the (gaming) industry which is so contrary to my new found values?

Ahhh, but thank God for such opportunities (or uncertainties). Ha if God were to show us everything from start to end then where'd be the fun?! I totally agree with Alvin, who liken this to digging for gold. Though it's gonna be tiring and stuff, the outcome is really good (Gold!), to be at the centre of God's will. It really is a molding process and through this our faith is strengthen. So it's a win-win situation!

What is the eternal life?

2009-04-26T23:15:00.002+08:00

"This is the eternal life, that they may know You, the only true God, and Jesus Christ whom You have sent" John 17:3

have i known God today?

Guy's Day Out.

2009-04-24T23:18:00.002+08:00

Awesome day with 2 really dear brothers at Vivo and United Square! Caught "Handsome Suit" with them and found it to be quite a funny show! Ha. Among us 3 i think i laughed the most and loudest, that's because i have a bigger funny bone. =0

Well, I guess the movie really cleared up the atmosphere a lil as one of us was feeling abit emo. That's why we met in the first place! Hahaha brothers in Christ must support each other man and thank God all 3 of us could meet today as if by divine appointment. So we chatted at this cafe that overlooks the port about some serious stuff! So here are a couple (less private) points of our discussions:

Is it okay to date a non-Christian?

We all agreed that..

this is kind of a grey area as none of us have come across a verse that says "no" and also, we've seen people come to know Christ thru their bfs and gfs.
dating should have a purpose (which is marriage) and not just "for experience" or "fun" and most certainly not for sensual desires! (now this may sound really funny in modern times and rather old-fashioned but we seek to honor God and ladies!)
no.. it's not really good to date a non-Christian, not because it's wrong but because we felt that Christ should come first in our lives and same goes for them to know Him! (because no man nor woman's love can ever replace the love of God! =D)
it's gonna be hard to hold true because there'd be lots of emotions involved!
it's okay to make and maintain friendships with girls.

I'd say we really had a fruitful discussion bout this. We still had our disagreements and opinions but at least we had a similar base of understanding! (And sam is emo no more!) Mmm and just like he said, i think we have really grown up, a couple years back we'd be simply teasing each other when it comes to these issues. I pray that we would continue to grow as men after God's heart!

p.s. my enlistment's in Sept! Thank God, really! Now i'll be able to go to East Timor muahahaha. (tho i've only got my mom's permission and i've yet to speak to my dad. However i'm sure God is faithful and i'm counting on Him!)

Good Afternoon Class! You Can Call Me Mr. Chiam!

2009-04-23T19:13:00.005+08:00

HAHAHA was really happy when Compassvale Primary called me today afternoon! F.I.N.A.L.L.Y I get to do something!

Thank God for this opportunity to experience and learn! So my first lesson started off with "Good afternoon class! You can call me Mr. Chiam!". Then i committed my first mistake, i was told not to smile (that's like calling me not to breathe!). Argh, i just can't help it, it's such an integral part of me man. But i quickly see why the advice tho. The students became really hard to control and the dreaded question quickly arise, "Why you always smiling?". Ha thankfully that lasted only 20 minutes. So lesson learnt, dont smile so much!

Next was english which was easy because they had work to do, followed by canteen duties for 2 recesses. Mmm the food looks tasty but it looks as if i could slurp everything up in one go! And next up was P.E! It was plain scary man with kids crying, misbehaving and complaining. =0 So i had to coax, comfort and s-cream (x_x). Aww man and i thought i wouldnt need to shout and stuff which reminds me of my NCC days. Oh well...

All in all, it was quite a tiring affair but rewarding nevertheless. Every child is a gift from Above and every single one of them is gifted in different ways! Thank God for teachers, the imparters of knowledge and to be able to take part in the nurturing process of a child is truly a privilege! Mmm would i really be one next time?

p.s. haha i feel like i'm all over the place. prolly too tired and under the aftermath of migraine over the past few days.

Amazing Race: Sengkang / Punggol

2009-04-19T22:08:00.004+08:00

Okay, my printer is out of ink and I have 9 schools (i'm super kiasu can.) to apply for teaching tomorrow. So i have to jot out a really really rough plan on my trip! Here goes....

1. Jump down from flat and walk to Mee Toh Primary
2. Greendale Primary (walk up from destination number 1)
3. Edgefield Primary (take LRT to Cove)
4. take 83
5. Compassvale Primary (alight on sight!)
6. Go to Compass Point
7. Check directory for Sengkang Primary.
8. Sengkang Primary
9. Go back to Compass Point
10. Check directory for Nan Chiau Primary
11. Nan Chiau Primary
12. Walk towards Blk 219, towards junction
13. Walk towards Blk 306
14. Arrive at Anchor Green Primary (HOPEFULLY!)
15. Find some way back to Compass Point.
16. Take 86 to Rivervale Primary
17. Rivervale Primary
18. Take 86
19. Alight after Jln Kayu, walk to Fernvale
20. Fernvale Primary (final destination)

hahahahahaha this is so exciting! It's like some kind of adventure (in collared long sleeves)!

Being True and Being Right

2009-04-17T19:31:00.003+08:00

This has been something on my mind for quite a while now. There is a difference being right about something and being true about something. We could give a moral upright answer to any question but can we say that we are true to them? We could live our lives to the very ink of the "dos and don'ts" but can we say that we are sincere about them?

I've always wanted to be right but i forgot all about being true. I guess that's why God nudged me with yet another one-liner,"quit being right and start being true". Now being true isn't just being genuine and sincere, it involves a lot of honesty and honesty is the mark of humbleness. Honesty before God and man.

I think we should be open and honest to God about whatever values or perspective we currently hold (yes. right or wrong. upright or not.), instead of shoving them under the carpet of our hearts and secretly peeking at them at times. Well, with that said, we will no longer have a facade on before God but be open before Him. Oh and that means open to change as well! =D

Ah. There's just so much to contemplate on for this topic!

Today is the Day!

2009-04-16T18:31:00.004+08:00

Awesome song! Would be really really cool if we sing it during a sunday service.

Because We are So Easily Satisfied.

2009-04-12T22:37:00.007+08:00

Why am i so shallow in my knowledge of God? Why am i always only ankle-deep in the river of abundant life?

I guess it's because i am so easily satisfied.

I am satisfied. I put my tithe into the bag and my soul is appeased. "I've done my duty." Sure i've become a cheerful giver because i thought that my relationship with God is justified by that cash i put in.

I am satisfied. I have my random little conversations with God throughout the day and i thought i have communed with Him. Sure God loves these, but yet He desires so much more. Where's the adoration? Where are the silent moments as i kneel before God, beholding His glory? And where are the moments i seek His heart about how He really felt on things rather than going on and on about how i feel?

I am satisfied. I spend a few minutes each day on that Bible guide or commentary, thinking that my spirit has been fed. But never have i realize that i only took a nibble at that great feast God has laid out for me.

I am satisfied. I no longer judge the condition of my soul in His light but in the light of my accomplishments of "Christian duties".

Oh, while we are "satisfied", God is insulted and the enemy glad, because he had blindfolded us with COMPLACENCY.

You are my Delight, in Thee I Find My Joy.

2009-04-07T18:05:00.004+08:00

I love one liners and God is awesome to always speak to and inspire me in this way.

"You are my Delight, in Thee I find my joy", mmm it's been a couple of days of deep thoughts on a weird yet awesome experience that God blessed me with. Shan't talk about what it is because it's rather private =p

Anyway, it was during my daily workout today and there was this surge of joy and peace that felt really awesome! And this one-liner came about and i was amen-ing to myself because it definitely spoke to my heart. It was a great reminder that God should be my real source of joy and i should not seek it in any other sources. Thank God!

Aha today's workout was funny rather than tiring. Tried out a new running route and i find it to be absolutely da best! It's a more deserted route surrounded by lotsa greenery. Muahaha so i got to sing and run at the same time! What a great way to train my lungs but it was in such a awful voice that probably only God would find delight in hahaha. So i went like:

Joy unspeakable that won't go away *pant* *pant*
And just enough *pant* strength *pant*
To live for today *pant* *pant*
So I never *pant* to worry
What tomorrow *pant* bring *pant*
'Cause my faith is on solid rock *pant*
I *pant* am counting on God! *pant* *pant* *pant*

lol running is no longer boring!

Faith Without Works is Dead.

2009-04-03T18:25:00.002+08:00

"For just as the body without the spirit is dead, so also faith without works is dead." James 2:26

It's been my earnest desire to go on a mission trip before my NS and there is one coming up and i'm trusting God that i'll be able to go. The trip's in August, with that said, it can only be by God's grace that my enlistment month be September. Yet again, with that said, i'll have to pass my NAPFA or my enlistment date would be in August thus making me unable to go for the mission trip.

Now this is gonna be yet another faith raising journey(and i absolutely love it). Just as the above verse said, faith without works is dead, i'm gonna start training like crazy for napfa to excercise my faith. The enlistment letter's not here yet but i'm really putting my hopes in God that i'd be able to go for the trip!!

Point A and Point B.

2009-02-01T00:29:00.002+08:00

A man's at point A.

Another man comes along and tells him that he has to be at point B.

So now that the man knows that he has to be at point B, he tries really hard to get there. He failed. He got lost. Soon, he's back at square one. He's back at point A, tired and weary.

Then another man comes along and tells him that, "Aww, it's okay to be at point A, dont feel so bad about it, be satisfied!"

Wow just what the man needs to hear right now. Convenient isn't it? He could remain at point A! Hmm but should he?

Well after some time, yet another man comes along and tells him that he should be at point B. "Now, someone once told me that. I tried but i cant get there. I guess I dont really know how to get there..."

"Come along with me, i'll show you the way and i'll walk with you"

Ha. I'm praying for the gift of illustration (not drawing!). I'm not sure if the story on top means anything to anyone but it's just something that crossed my mind when i reflected on something personal.

I'd give anything to be that third passer-by. Ahh only by the grace of God, only by the grace of God.

Hmm

2009-01-28T20:13:00.001+08:00

mmm Grad Serve or work?

Every Man a Miracle.

2009-01-24T23:37:00.004+08:00

A thought just hit me (ouch!). What if i am given a chance to design "man"? It'd probably look like this:

Ha, God is just so awesome and creative that He could design us to have like ten fingers, hair and stuff. Lol thank God, i really cant imagine if we all look like this:

If it were really so, we wouldn't have been called "Man" but "Joke".

When i Survey the Wondrous Cross.

2009-01-21T00:18:00.003+08:00

When I survey the wondrous cross
On which the Prince of glory died,
My richest gain I count but loss,
And pour contempt on all my pride.

Forbid it, Lord, that I should boast,
Save in the death of Christ my God!
All the vain things that charm me most,
I sacrifice them to His blood.

See from His head, His hands, His feet,
Sorrow and love flow mingled down!
Did e’er such love and sorrow meet,
Or thorns compose so rich a crown?

His dying crimson, like a robe,
Spreads o’er His body on the tree;
Then I am dead to all the globe,
And all the globe is dead to me.

Were the whole realm of nature mine,
That were a present far too small;
Love so amazing, so divine,
Demands my soul, my life, my all.

Would you once again travel down the road to calvary, to that old rugged cross on which He died for you? Oh, would you not survey that cross once again and remember what He did?

Come back all ye who have lost your way,
Come back all ye who are defeated,
Come back all ye who are weary.

Come back and behold the very reason why He was nailed to that very cross.

Good Christian / Bad Christian.

2009-01-17T22:10:00.003+08:00

Ha it's funny why we humans have to compare every single thing in the world. So what am i? A good christian or a bad one? If i say that i'm a good christian just because i adhere to all the rules and regulations (or law) then it'd be a joke because then i'd be under law and not grace and no human can fulfill every single law as prescribed in the Bible. So i'd be living either in a lie or in serious trouble because i would be judged by the law.

So am i a bad one since i'm not a good one? Nope i'm not a bad one either, because if i were to call myself a bad christian it will be like throwing myself a pity party, with every single condemning spirit invited. (Much like inviting every single bully in your school to surround you and laugh, sneer and whatever at you.)

I would just like to be, simply, a Christian. (and i'm turning 2 end of this month! yay!) Aha sometimes i guess we just have to cut out the comparative terms and just focus on what it really means to be a christian. The definition of the word "christian" simply means this, "a follower of Christ". The peeps at Antioch were the first to be called that because of their pursuit for Christ and it's such a privilege for us to be called that too. And there's really no need to compare because we're not running this race against each other for the crown of life (oh my, imagine that. I dont think we even stand a chance against Paul and the ol'Saints gang.).

heh. And about following Christ, that'd be a devotional thought by itself and a post for another day.

Jeremiah O Jeremiah Why Do You Weep?

2009-01-11T19:50:00.000+08:00

Jeremiah O Jeremiah Why Do You Weep?

1 week into the new year!

2009-01-07T21:53:00.002+08:00

Okay i'm being bogged down by work which leaves me with little time to blog. I'm one week late at posting my resolutions! This is my new year resolutions:

*empty list*

yea man that's right i dont really have a list of resolutions coz from my past years' experiences, they're just a bunch of stuff that i tried really hard to do with my own strength and phail terribly. So i shall give it a new name, resolutions-by-Gods'-grace.

1. Go on a mission trip.

Yeap, i've got only half a year till i get enlisted and i do pray that God would make a way for me to go to _______ for a mission trip.

2. Grow in my area of calling.

2008 was quite a discovery year and i do felt called to _______. From now till then, i'm sure God has lotsa pruning to do.

3. Love others like how Jesus does.

God is love and i'm not (yet). It's one big area that i really suck at. Gotta devote more of myself to others around me.

I think that's all. One really encouraging verse for me is this: "For I am confident of this very thing, that He who began a good work in you will perfect it until the day of Christ Jesus." Philippians 1:6

Striking the Balance. Not.

2008-12-25T21:05:00.003+08:00

Merry Christmas anyone! =)

Okay i got myself thinking really hard after reading a blog post from a friend. It was about how unchristian christians being looked down upon, isolated and ignored by a so-called "set-apart" group of christians that are on fire for God. This was the icing on the cake that God's giving me today, the cake of conviction of course. I'm sadden by my loveless-ness.

I was hoping to do some charity work this Christmas night. I walked down a underpass with 3 needy people selling tissue papers and i did nothing. nothing at all. yea so much for "charity work". I dont love them enough. Then a Voice said, "How can you love the people outside when you cant love the people inside?". Certainly my heart has grown cold, cold enough to stop loving (agape).

You are on fire for God, pursuing Him with all that you have, trying your best to live a holy life by His strength and grace. You see someone not doing so well, his heart hardened to God and it was as if he couldn't care less if God was still real to him. You see his attitude, his actions and the words he uses just ticks you off. You get a "holy dissatisfaction, or a holy anger", you judge, you say to yourself, "i'm not going near him lest i get polluted, i just want to be with my Jesus." You thought you judge righteously, you thought you were like Jesus flippin' those tables of those thugs in the temple. But you forgot all about the Jesus who dined with sinners. Oh and also the Jesus who died for their sins.

God have mercy on me. I'm that "you" in that previous paragraph. Oh that i may love the way my Saviour does. That i may tilt the balance towards love over judgement...

Desert Trip.

2008-12-22T21:45:00.004+08:00

Honestly, who likes being in a desert? But i thank God that i'm going through one right now, cause i know when i emerge out of it, i'm gonna be stronger. than ever.

Discouraged but Moving On.

2008-12-21T21:17:00.004+08:00

Worship today was a blast. It's been so long(couple of weeks or more perhaps?) since i encountered God in communal worship and i really thank God for anointing Clarence as he led today. It's awesome isnt it? To approach a God whose not "dead" but able to give such life to everyone who would humble himself to receive from the Him. Ahh if only this unworthy servant would be more fervent and loyal.

Anyhow, the things that are going on in the youth ministry are not exactly edifying nor encouraging. Nope it's not the teachings nor the leaders, but us, the sheeps. Mehhhh~. I'm incredibly sadden on so many occasions that i just cant help but weep. Oh, not forgetting that i've to plead for mercy time to time for judging people. However i consider it to be a good opportunity to be moulded in this area heh heh, quit judging and start lovin'. What a hard thing to do though..

Any sane man with any bit of a relationship with God would be discouraged. But i guess that same man with that bit of a relationship with God just cant stay that discouraged forever, because the God he's serving aint a dead God and certainly not one that does nothing about the sheeps that are going astray. Yea and God would certainly use all the hands and feets from all the people He can get to poke those who aint doing so well.

Ahh but this unworthy servant still has lotsa rough edges to be smoothened. This tool still has to sit on the anvil for a while more, sharpened and shaped by the Blacksmith into something He can use. The tool's gettin abit impatient (and in that process a few more rough edges popped out) but the Blacksmith know when it's gonna be ready. Yea i'm so reminded of why God wanted me to stay, it's to "go thru some things". It's exciting. I know i'm looking forward. Though it's not very clear with this fog of discouragement. But i can see a pair of big hands doing some big things and i wanna be part of that ...

and you know something? "It's always the dead that needs reviving..." - by me (someone else probably said this before but i've not encountered that yet).

the Beatitudes: Blessed are those who mourn.

2008-12-07T16:05:00.005+08:00

"Blessed are those who mourn, for they shall be comforted." Matthew 5:4

The very verse that put humanism to the contrary. (*)Humanism says that the chief end of being is the happiness of man and here the verse talks about mourning, grieving and weeping. However i'd also like to note that Christianity isn't just bout crying either. Anyhow, why should we be found mourning?

I believe that as we grow and walk closer to God, we actually become more broken, more mournful. As i look into the news especially at these unsettling times, sometimes i just feel so burdened to pray and cry out to God for the nations. I look down the carriages of a MRT or stand at the top level of a shopping centre looking down and i just feel a overwhelming sadness that cries out to God that He'd break this indifference. Maybe that's just me, but even in the Bible, all the men and women of God were found weeping at some point, the prophet Jeremiah was even nicknamed the weeping prophet by Leonard Ravenhill.

I've asked God for tears many times in my life, because tears are just awesome. Lol the world says "real man dont cry", but the Word of God says "They that sow in tears shall reap in joy" (Psa 126:5), now i'm not gonna let "manly pride" take away the joy that is to come. Also let us be comforted that God remembers our tears and store them in a bottle (Psa 56:8).

So may it be for the multitudes out there who dont know God or for our sins and weaknesses, don't be afraid to mourn and cry out for He will turn our sorrows into joy one day.

*A small note:
"Humanism says the chief end of being is the happiness of man." - as defined by Paris Reidhead in his sermon, "Ten Shekels and a Shirt" (awesome sermon btw.)

the Beatitudes: Blessed are the poor in the spirit.

2008-12-04T08:47:00.010+08:00

It's been a long time since i blogged about anything at all here. Looking back at the blog posts, i realized that i've been prideful and so not gentle. Ha i guess i'm not the same now, thank God He has brought me on a season of refining and CHANGE. I'm still not perfect though, but i believe God who started this good work is faithful to finish it!

Beatitudes: from Latin beatus, meaning "blessed" or "happy".

I just started studying this portion of scripture a couple weeks ago and it's been an amazing ride. It's almost 2 years in my walk with God and it's such a shame on me that i couldn't even remember such a beautiful and important chapter. So i'm taking it real slowly, one verse at a time and i find God speaking to me so much more than reading a few chapters a day.

In this portion of scripture, Jesus was preaching a sermon on a mountain about the different qualities and character of those who will inhabit His kingdom. The first of the Beatitudes is this: "Blessed are the poor in the spirit, for theirs is the Kingdom of heaven" ( Matt 5:3)

The promise of such a quality is the inheritance of the Kingdom of heaven. But what does it mean to be poor in the spirit? I liken it to a spiritual beggar. A beggar is lowly and humble in contrast to the arrogance of a rich man. He is desperate, i mean really desperate like his whole life depends on everything that he begged for. He has no dignity, no ego, nothing to boast of.

I want to be a spiritual beggar, possessing nothing, only what is given from the Lord's hands. To be broken and contrite, never be full of myself and never to be arrogant of being "better" than anyone else. Desperate and reliant on God for everything.

Ahh the blessedness of possessing nothing and yet gaining everything.

Revival Aint a Pretty Rainbow.

2008-06-16T20:33:00.003+08:00

I've resolved that no matter what changes, no matter what happens, i'm still gonna cling on to the vision of revival. Sure thing, God aint all about revival, but isn't that His heart beat? Doesn't His heart go out for sinners and the great multitude out there that does not know Him?

Revival? It certainly ain't a trivial thing in the sight of GOD and we're called to pray, commissioned to preach the Good News and to stand in the gap. I really hope that nothing will blind us of this vision, if we cared more about our own souls for all our lives and let the people out there die without knowing who Jesus is, then surely our souls are not worthy to be saved in the first place.

Urgency. That's what i'm lacking and i'm ashamed. I'm thoroughly ashamed of my lack of prayer, lack of passion and lack of consistency. Praise be to God that He is ever so patient in reminders. I'm just gonna keep returning to the vision and letting Him equip me.

Honestly, i dont care if someone says i'm wrong. Someone may say someone's right and someone else wrong but there's only One that is right and that is God (for that, i dont even dare to say that my views are right! i dont want pride to cover the ears of my heart!).

As long as my heart is right and open before my King, i'm sure no one else can rob His desires and His calling for me. No man nor work of the devil can thwart the plans of God and who are we as men to pass judgments?

Why?

2008-06-08T15:42:00.003+08:00

Just a sudden thought. Is Christianity really complex? How come we seem to keep struggling in a vicious cycle in our process of molding and sanctification?

The reason came quick, well it's because...

"We're trying to fit God into our lives, in our work, our schools, our camps, our situations."

But i guess God's too big to be in there. It isn't suppose to be like that right? Why all the frustration? Why all the anger? All the confusion and defeat? Seems like we're doing things wrong.

We're constantly asking and arguing with God about having things our way, trying to fit Him in the picture while He wants us to paint another one. "... yet not what I will, but what Thou wilt." Mark 14:36

And what happens then? no peace -> =( -> run after things of the world to fill the void -> come back to God crying -> God brings you back -> paints your own picture again and there you go, a cycle.

I remember when i was young, i was really bad at art. But my dad was an art person and he always held my hand when i'm learning to draw. How bout we start letting God hold our hands and paint the picture? (Instead of drawing a picture and feel bad about it because it's ugly and crushing it and redrawing another one and then feel it's ugly again.) I guess it's about letting go, and asking and abiding in His love.

It sounds easier said than done but who says it's that hard? With a God that loves and cares that sent His very Son to die for us, how can it be hard? It's sounds hard because we've tried and failed and hardened our hearts.

I'm learning to let go too. Praise God that He's so interested in our lives.

Will We Stand Here and Play While the Whole Generation Fades Away?

2008-06-07T10:22:00.003+08:00

I'm feeling very sad but yet somehow hopeful. I've been back at school for 2 weeks now and i feel kind of dejected that i'm not praying enough or doing enough. Looking at the culture, the fashion, the language, i just feel that there's still so much to pray for and cry out for. But who am i fooling when i myself couldn't get down on my knees in the middle of the night to pray.

I feel like i'm too radical in some ways, probably it's the influx of sermons about holiness and purity and repentance and revivals and discipline. I'm moved by what i see and i've resolved that i wont sit by and do nothing while the generation fades away, unloved, untouched, unchanged by God. Oh how i wish i know of people that have this resolution that i may pray together with them. Honestly, i'm tired of stirring people up, only God can give the desire and yet if men wouldn't be in that state to want that desire then what's the point? I'm happy enough that they get to heaven and to love them with the love of God. I'll just leave the stirring to God from now onwards.

I guess many of us took up the mentality of thinking that God can do everything by His own. He could, in all His majesty and power, He could turn the world from their wicked ways and to serve Him. But what about men? Point me out if i am wrong. The bible is filled with men and women of God that are always in action. He would always work through man to proclaim and to act. I guess we'll never see the days of Acts again unless we start getting into action, to pray and to seek the face of God daily in our precious time with Him (which seems so little).

If we want God to move then we must first be moved. Like Wai Yin once said, God can wait for you to eventually come back to Him, but the generation CANNOT wait. I pray that God's grace be upon us to move us closer to Him first and that the Holy Spirit to move us to desire the things of God more than the things of the world.

"Therefore prepare you minds for ACTION, keep SOBER in spirit, fix your hope COMPLETELY on the GRACE to be brought to you at the REVELATION of JESUS CHRIST." 1Peter 1:13 (caps mine.)

Have you made your resolution?

Barrenness.

2008-06-03T21:49:00.008+08:00

i wonder what's causing all this barrenness in our lives? Is it idols? Is it sin? Is it us leaving our first love? Lack of faith? Lack of surrender? Lack of love? Lack of works? Lack of wisdom? Lack of reverence of God? Lack of perseverance?

i dont know probably one or more of the above. But what i've learnt personally is that i've once held idols before God, computer games, school work, television. (And God just convicted my heart of eating into His time with me while blogging the previous sentence that i've got to turn it off and continue blogging the next day.) There were filthy sins that hindered the breakthru and always an lack of faith that God's love will still find me and pick me up. i guess each of us has his/her reasons but whatever that may be, we all ought to remember that we did not die on the cross for ourselves but Jesus did. So no point throwing a pity party over our lives but lets start looking at Jesus and His everlasting work on the cross.

Oh how we need a vision of the cross in our lives. A vision of the cross, a vision of God's love displayed. I'm not talking about any scene we saw in movies depicting Jesus on the cross, but a vision that God gives. Now you may say, "God never give me that vision wadd" or "Why God never give me this vision?". Why pin the fault on God? You know that you cant handle that vision. You know that your life wouldnt be the same anymore if you receive this vision. Your life won't belong to you and you can never live life the way you live it anymore. It'd be a life that is crucified with our Lord Jesus Christ.

But how glorious to live a life crucified! Only such lives can God get glory out of. Only such lives can God use to impact a dying generation. I want to live such a life for i have resolved that i do not want Jesus to die in vain ever in my life again.

Begins with an ENCOUNTER.

2008-05-26T20:29:00.004+08:00

Yes it all begins with an encounter. I've gotta keep remembering that, both in my life and in the life of others.

I feel that 3 things usually happens during an encounter, firstly, you get a revelation of God's holiness in all of His majesty. Secondly, you see the enormity of your sins against the holy God. Thirdly, most importantly, you feel God's love and forgiveness pouring into you despite the second point.

Well at least that was what happened to me. Something like that happened in Isaiah 6:1-7 too. This is the chapter in Isaiah which i read recently, i've not read the whole of Isaiah yet, just some parts here and there for reference. Okay so, this chapter is about Isaiah's commission, and it began with an encounter with God.

In verse 1, Isaiah saw the Lord seated on a throne, high and exalted, and the train of His robe filled the temple. Now that sounds pretty majestic to me. Let's look over to verse 2 and 3, Isaiah saw seraphs calling to one another, "Holy, holy, holy, is the LORD Almighty; the whole earth is full of His glory." So here we see Isaiah having an vision of the Lord's holiness in His majesty.

And then in verse 5, we see the prophet crying out "Woe to me! I am ruined! For I am a man of unclean lips, and i live among a people of unclean lips and my eyes have seen the King, the Lord Almighty." I guess it's like a spotlight shining on us, which suddenly made all our blemishes become so obvious. Isaiah saw the seraphs proclaiming "holy, holy, holy" yet he cant do that for he is a man of unclean lips!

Yet in verse 6 and 7, we see that one of the seraphs flew to Isaiah with a live coal from the altar and used it to touch his lips, saying, "See, this has touched your lips; your guilt is taken away and your sin atoned for." Tada! His iniquities are forgiven!

Praise God for encounters, in which we can see God's grace in action and that His reality just becomes so real. I guess it changes our lives in one way or another, in a big or small way.

Oh he hates the serpent alright.

2008-05-18T19:27:00.003+08:00

He sure hates the serpent. Something we can all learn from?

Hunger, Desperation, Sacrifice.

2008-05-13T19:52:00.003+08:00

I think it's like a cycle. Hunger produces desperation and when you're desperate for something, you'll be willing to sacrifice something to accommodate that thing you're hungry for. From hunger for God to hunger for fleshly lust, this cycle applies.

When you're hungry to satisfy a fleshly desire, you'll become more and more desperate for it if the temptation is not dealt with. Then, naturally you sacrifice something, your godly values, your relationship with God, your commitments to accommodate that desire.

But on the other hand, if you're hungry for God, you'll be desperate to have more of Him. Naturally you'll begin to give things up, your own will, time and desires just to serve and wait upon Him more.

I was challenged after hearing one of Cornerstone's P.S Yang's sermon, "Blessed are the hungry". It's an amazing and challenging sermon which makes you think how hungry you really are for the living God. I felt God asking me 2 questions after some reflections (after much repentance.). "What am i hungry for? For the things of the world? For the things of God? Or for God alone?" and "How hungry am i for Him? How much am i willing to sacrifice?".

"He has filled the hungry with good things but has sent the rich away empty" Luke 1:53

Who is knocking on whose door?

2008-05-11T01:03:00.004+08:00

It's a wonderful vision that God gave to Emma today during worship, a vision where many people are knocking against this door, but soon many start to give up. In this dry season many are looking for a breakthrough in their lives, in their weariness, in their struggle against sins, in their school work. I guess we all start giving up at some point, when we feel that God dosent care, when we probably feel that we're not worthy for God, when we choose to go back to our vomit and dwell in condemnation. I myself have gone thru this so many times in my short Christian life. But i wonder, who is knocking whose door, really?

i guess many times when we need a breakthru, we begin knocking on God's door, but after awhile when it seems too tiring with the waves of our burdens keep hitting our back, we give up. I gave up many times in my fight against sins, lost hope in the sanctification process and went back feeling condemned. In times of weariness, when quiet time seems so dry and God dosent seem to be speaking, when prayer time was just a little above 5 minutes, I tried pressing in, but after a while i gave up.

Why dosent God answer? Or is He knocking at the doors of our hearts instead?

"Those whom I love I rebuke and discipline. So be earnest, and repent. Here I am! I stand at the door and knock. If anyone hears my voice and opens the door, I will come in and eat with him, and he with Me." Revelations 3:19-20

I thank God that i finally understand this, how i wish i would've understood this earlier, oh i forgot i was busy getting my character up to level so and so. God's been knocking for so long, and calling out to me. "Go and be accountable for your sins", "Go and install a filter on your web browser", "Stop playing computer games and spend more time with Me". When i finally open the door to Him, tada, breakthrough in sins and life. I guess sometimes it's really about letting Him into your life and grant you that breakthru, but before that you've gotta listen carefully and you've gotta unlock your door and turn the knob and let Him in and do His stuff.

Thank God for He is a patient God, He never stops knocking and waiting.

Have you got time for God?

2008-05-08T18:55:00.004+08:00

I really thank God for dealing with me for wasting my time and life away on worthless things that i've been clinging to so stubbornly for so long. I kissed computer games and any form of electronic games devices goodbye almost 2 weeks ago and so far it's been great. At first, I wondered why God wanted me to give those up, even tho i dont really spend a lot of time on them. It led me to a lot of bargaining but until i surrender it, i'd really never know why. "God! 1 or 2 hours only waddd!", i remembered saying that.

But my focus is not on that, but on really what God taught me after i gave those things up. The biggest thing is that it opened the doors to a considerably great amount of time that can be devoted to Him. Now i've the time to practice guitar, listen to a sermon by Leonard Ravenhill, call somebody, pray, worship, read the Word and books and even to write my blog! Now that's what i call a time well spent.

Hmmm, what should our time with God really shows? Our relationship and love for God? So if we spend 1/2 hour a day doing quiet time, does that mean that God is only worth 2% of our lives? Wow if that was true, it'd be a really sad truth. Thank God it's not that way. Our relationship and love for God is something more than what time can offer. But then again, dont our love for God determines the amount of time we're willing to stay in His presence? So i guess i can deduce that, our time with God does not determines our relationship and love for Him but it's our love and relationship that determines our time with Him!

It's true we're not clocking up points here, but it'd be really embarrassing in heaven if Jesus would say to me, "Son, I've wanted to show you so much of My love for you, but you just dont have the time!"

Whatcha Lookin At?

2008-05-07T19:39:00.003+08:00

"Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the Author and Perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before Him endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God." Hebrews 12:2

What a glorious command given by the author of Hebrews. God's been speaking to me about this and another verse in Romans alot. It seems to be perfect timing because i was wondering how long will this lil revival of mine last? And it seems to me that God is saying that if i fix my eyes on Jesus, the Author and Perfecter of my faith, it will last till eternity!

Now what does that mean, to fix our eyes to Jesus? It's certainly not carrying around an image of Jesus and keep staring at it all day long! But i guess it's really to keep our minds focus and keen on Jesus, what He did for us on the cross and the life He walked for His Father. For a long time now, i've been all along fixing my eyes on the wrong things.

Like fixing my eyes on myself, my own capabilities and frailties. In dealing with sin, all i can see is hopelessness in myself and i never seem to climb out of that pit. Now who climbs up a pit with his mind focusing on himself, thinking that he will fall again? Now, when i fix my eyes on Jesus, He is like the rescuer that's gonna get me out and when i fix my eyes on Him, all i can think of is "He's gonna get me out! YAY!". Same goes to personal revival, why fear that the fire will run out? why fear that i might fall back into indifference again? why fear this and that?

Fix your eyes on Jesus, and all these will strangely dim around you because you no longer look at yourself in all your weaknesses but you're looking at the Man who gave it all on the cross for you. His abundant grace and love will never fail to pick up as long as you keep fixing your eyes on Him.

"See, I lay a stone in Zion, a chosen and precious cornerstone, and the one who trusts in him will never be put to shame."1Peter 2:6

Sin.

2008-05-05T19:26:00.003+08:00

It feels kinda weird but at the same time cool to hear sermons by someone who had already died. And you know what? God still can use those sermons to speak and poke. I guess it's what they call, leaving behind a legacy.

I've been hearing a lot on Leonald Ravenhill and all i've gotta say that, i'm convicted of so many things. It's like a great awakening at this point, to really measure up myself against the truth of God's standards and i cant help but find myself like a dwarf against His standards.

I think one of the biggest lesson i've learnt or have been really convicted of is how serious am i towards sin. Oh yes i hate sin, it makes me feel bad and guity and makes me dont wanna see God. But what should really be the reason to hate sin? "YOU SHALL BE HOLY, FOR I AM HOLY." There, nice and big right from the Word of God, and i've been oblivion to it or rather ignorant to it.

It's like that commercial from that radio station bout "hearing only the good stuff". How often do i read the Bible and go thru a certain verse like this, "God is love", and i'm all cuddly inside as i think bout His love, but when i go thru something like "go and sin no more", i'm like "okay, next line". It didnt hit me at all, that's the very thing Jesus commanded, to go and sin no more. He didn't say "go, try not to sin anymore" or "go and sin less", but "go and sin no more", fullstop. He sure is serious bout sin, so serious that He came to die for us that we may be set free.

I'm sure God is love, if not why would He ever send His Son to die for our sins? But is it always true that God loves the sinner but hates the sin? I think i still have to ask God prayerfully about that and to really go thru the scriptures on it. But one thing i'm sure of, it's wrong when that becomes an excuse for us to go about sinning thinking that God still loves us for that.

"Look ma, i'm sorry i was playing soccer in a muddy field and i got all my shirt dirtied with mud, i promise i wont do it again". "It's alright son, i'll wash it for you. *smiles*" And the Mom hands over a nicely washed shirt to that boy. The boy with his nicely washed shirt saw his football in the same muddy field and said,"Oh i cant resist it! I've just gotta kick that ball". Little did he know that his mom is right there looking. Now, I wonder how his mother felt? A hint of anger perhaps?

Price of Revival?

2008-05-04T16:16:00.003+08:00

Lol, it seems funny, i was talking bout the song Everlasting God and there we sang it on the next day. But it was good, i really like that song as it really portray the truth about God being never weary and tired and is the defender of those who are weak. I just kept telling God that i'll wait upon You, i'll serve You in my time and stuff like that.

Okay, that was that. What really hit me was the worship+pre-service prayer. Since there was no sermons today because of the dvd presentation (which was not really edifying), the only way God moved was during that worship and prayer time. A call to prayer, thats what i felt through the week, and i realize it's really important to come hungry, hungry for God to move and revive us.

Prayer was really good. God spoke to me on holiness and on God's standard. I felt that even for myself before i really submitted to God, i was exposing myself alot to the world, almost flirting with it, not only that, there were still sins that i had to deal with. It didnt seem to me holiness was anything at all, or if it's something, a certain kind of standard, then i would've really lowered it to a point that i felt i was still "okay".

Which brings me to the next thing, God's standards. How often i compromise it, lowered them, trampled them. When self-consolation became "grace" and repentance was just "okay i wont do it again", no tears, no hard feelings, just "okay i wont do it again". When time was devoted to other things instead to the things of God, "aiyah, i play finish this round then i go do quiet time", "i watch finish this show then i go do quiet time.", "i finish surfing my daily lists of blogs then i go pray". And after all that, all i could concentrate on during quiet time was what i had previously done. Was all that even acceptable to the One who gave it all? The One who gave a 100% of himself to a generation that won't even give back 10%.

What is the price of revival? A couple of thousand dollars to get a revivalist stir up our emotions and go back into the week unchanged? Or is it by praying, interceeding, crying out, sacrificing your time, and a broken heart?

I really felt challenged by God. Last week was a great week of encounter, as i sow the seeds for godly habits, holiness, purity, righteousness and hungriness. I'm sure it's not gonna take overnight for them to grow, but i've gotta keep sowing and sowing that one day i may reap a harvest that will be acceptable to the Lord. Days will turn into weeks and weeks will turn into months and months will turn into years, and till the year of harvest comes, i need plenty of God's grace to live a life worthy of the price He paid.

Revival, how badly do i want it?

2008-05-02T19:02:00.005+08:00

I dont wanna see revival. I want it. But no matter how much i want it i cant want it as much as God himself wants it and how He wants me to want it. It's been a exciting week, one of the best weeks for so long now. A week filled of God's grace and mercy, not like weeks of half-past faith and falling into sin bringing about hopelessness and of course, snuffing out of the revival fire.

Revival, revival, revival. It's hard not to hear it when it keeps shouting out from the inside of my heart. Oh yes, i want it very much, but just how badly? Just how much would i give up for a revival? How much time would i give to pray? Just when i think what i've typed sounds as if i'm doing everything by my own strength, i'd just like to say no. These are choices, sacrifices that everyone has to make at a point of time. Would i kneel down and ask God for a revival or would i just wait till God calls me to kneel down and pray?

I think most of us have come to a point of time when we sing Everlasting God, we were really sitting and waiting, doing absolutely nothing while expecting God to do all the work and grant us strength? I thought waiting upon God was serving Him, not serving Him as in ministry, but giving Him our time, in our daily walk with Him, conveying with Him, praying with Him. I dont think we're called to wait upon God like waiting for a bus, sitting in the bus stop, wishing that the bus would come REALLY soon because we're really bored and tired.

I think i sound really angry, but i'm not. I'm just kind of wondering why some things happen. Pardon me for the example i'm gonna use. When i was a non-believer, i was a buddhist and often had to use joss sticks in temples. I often see my dad having one whole bunch of them that he needs to get burning. He always manage to get the whole bunch burning by putting the whole bunch of them at the candle. But not all catch fire at the same time. Those nearer to the fire will of course catch fire first and slowly, joss stick by joss stick the whole bunch will start burning because the fire is passed on.

I guess that's what revival's gonna be like in the church. The fire has to come from God, like the candle flame, those who have the privilege of walking right before God, those who had been faithful and humble and hungry, boom! they're gonna be set a flame. The revival fire is passed on and on and on to every believer. But you know what? Some joss sticks just dont catch fire no matter how, as though the fire didnt reach it. Those are taken out, put near to the fire by themselves and soon they too will be set aflame. I dont think God will leave anyone out will He?

Love the Lord your God with all your heart with all your soul, with all your mind, with all your strength. Now that sounds like plenty of choices and sacrifices to me.

Why? Why? Why?

2008-04-30T21:20:00.002+08:00

It's never easy. To live a Christian life of convictions, sacrifice and humbleness. Sure it's easy to live a lukewarm life for God but will that ever be worthy of the One who died for me?

I guess it will never be easy, if i keep looking at myself, my needs, desires and agendas. When God comes and turn my head to the cross, i cant help but feel the reluctance and pain. Oh but thank God that the pain's only temporary. As i step back and look at what and why God's doing it, i cant help to be in awe of the work His doing in my life.

One third of the year had gone by already. As i reflect upon the year last night, desperate to see what God was doing in my life, i realize that He's been hard at work, reviving this heart of mine. As He played thru the significant events that happened, from the Heidi Baker's Conference to the recent power-packed (farewell?) preaching by Pastor Ben, I cant help but to repent for being so ignorant and blind.

It's wonderful, how God uses people. I thank God for many people He has placed in my life. Without their challenges, encouragement and ears, I would've given up long ago. Words spoken by God thru them, shaping my life and hunger for God.

I want to live this life as a Christian, not a half-dead one, but one that has truly died with Christ.

Revival.

2008-04-20T21:04:00.002+08:00

Revival in the hearts of His children. I'm sure most of us were touched by the Holy Spirit on both power-packed service on each day, with sermons preached by our beloved Pastor Benjamin whose leaving us.

Revival, a time where His children turn back to Daddy God, running back into His arms, enthroning Him above everthing in our lives once again. A time where repentance and convictions flowed not because of self-righteousness but of love and grace from God. A time where visions were given, new hopes dawned and the blessed assurance became so near. A time where the captives are set free, bondages are broken and demolishing of the enemy's strongholds. A time when hearts are set a blazed, eyes focused on the cross and minds settled on the very truths of God. A time where the battlecry sounded out, the battle trumpet blown and the banner of Christ put up.

It was really an awesome work of the Holy Spirit, in His very presence i was undone, realizing the difference between His heart and mine, i just cant help but to be convicted of the many things that i'm not doing right. Tears just flowed and flowed and the voice of God was just right there, telling and questioning me the things that pierced my heart. It was really so sweet and wonderful experience, to be swept through by the Holy Spirit over and over again and being just so broken by God. 3 people prayed for me on the 2 days, James, Gavin and Jeremy. Everything they prayed for and said just so pricked my heart, that i cant help but to cry and just let the Holy Spirit fill me and impressing His Word into me. I just hope that my mucus didn't land on their hands, but thank God for them.

I feel that revival should be a on-going process. It should never end, our hearts must be renewed and restored every single day. It's something that i want to happen every single day of my life, being so close to God, seeing His glory fall on us and being touched by the power of His Spirit. It's just so awesome. I'm hungry for more, more and more!

Do Not Belittle GOD.

2008-04-16T19:08:00.002+08:00

I was on my way to work, just out of Kovan MRT, i dont know how it started but i was just having a conversation with the Holy Spirit. "He is the God of Abraham, Isaac and Jacob". I knew that, i was praying last night telling God that He is the God of Abraham, Isaac and Jacob and the God of me. "God of me", now what makes me to be among those V.I.Ps of the Old Testament? Well, i dont belong to myself anymore, i've been bought at a price and that's it, i belong to God and He's the God of me.

But that's not the whole point. So, i was telling Him back, yea i know that. "He is the Creator of the Earth". I know that too! Isn't it written in Genesis? "In the beginning, God created the heavens and the earth" Gen 1:1. Right there, first line in the Word of God. How could i ever miss that?

"He was the one that parted the Red Seas". Yea man! It's even written that He worked all night to keep the sea dry! Now, i was marveled, as the Holy Spirit declared the awesome work of the Lord.

"He's the God of you". I dont know i must've been pretty slow to the truths. It just struck me that "Wow! The God of all that is the God of me!". Ahh, thank God for such simple revelations (or rather reminders?) But the next thing that really struck me was this, "Dont belittle God". At once i was reminded of the times i was struggling with sin, struggling with confusion and problems that never stop coming. I was just so focused on myself, my own weakness, my sins, my emotions, my problems that God got so de-magnified. God was insulted, His Spirit grieved.

Isn't the God of me, the God over my sins, emotions and problems too? God could part the seas, surely He could part a way for me in my dark times! Don't belittle God, for what is impossible for man is always possible for God, the God of Abraham, Isaac, Jacob and YOU!

"With people this is impossible, but with God all things are possible." Matthew 19:26

Overwhelmed.

2008-04-13T20:09:00.004+08:00

And it was pre-service prayer. As James beckoned us to pray for the ministry, all we wanted was one thing, the Holy Spirit's new touch.

And it was just a casual questions. It's 4pm and i asked Jeremy Tay, why so little people? His answer was "You really want to know why? We need a revival."

And it was worship. Emma was praying that God would break hardened hearts and unlock hearts that are sealed away from Him.

And it was lifegroup session. We're going thru the material, on the quote from Rev 2:4-5, when God just spoke to me that we are just like the church of Ephesus.

And it was lifegroup worship. We worshipped with the song "Come Holy Spirit". I was just so touched by this song as i was just walking a close walk with Him, coming to know Him more than just my head knowledge.

And it was at night, in my own room, worshipping and praying, when Jerrold called. We spoke bout some personal stuff. But when it came to a casual question about the youth ministry, i dont know why i just cant control myself but to start crying.

And it was later at night, when i was singing, "Spirit Touch Your Church", i knew that i've caught the fire for revival, a revival in the hearts of God's children.

And it was now, i realize that months ago, during the Heidi Baker's conference, it was right then, at the altar, God started the revival in my heart.

I'm just so overwhelmed.

Hmm time for revamp.

2008-04-02T21:35:00.002+08:00

My banner is gone 0.0 probably got deleted by the host. Well i guess i'll make a new one! It's time to put my rusty photoshop skillz to the test. Hmm but before that, what should i design? Hopefully God gives me some inspiration since i dont grow up on crayons = /

B.O.M.G (4)

2008-03-30T15:31:00.003+08:00

So the day came. The day God impressed upon my heart. Youth Evangelistic service 29/3/08. I admit i could've prayed more, shared more, encouraged more, fasted more, cried more, love more, yeah i could have done all those but wont it be of my own strength? I've done all that i felt God wanted me to do, but one thing I've done wrong. I forgot all about God's sovereign will, His supreme control over all, His perfect timing and plan, all fogged up by my desire for results.

Street Evangelism was great. We managed to share with lots of youths in Junction 8. But somewhere deep in me was shouting out that it was a failure because we did not manage to get anyone back to the service. Of course i was discouraged and disappointed, I just kept telling the Lord in my heart, "Lord, let there not be an empty altar!" That was the fear that kept hindering me. I really really did not want to see a Evangelistic Service with a empty altar.

It was during worship, i was asking God, "God! why did You put this day in my heart and yet it turned out this way? I thought You're gonna move so mightily!" However i've been thru this before. I know it was no reason for me to be disappointed with God, so i chose surrender. Thank God i've lerant, or else i'll still be in deep frustration.

1 soul was saved. I was the counselor for him and i thank God for such a receptive heart. During dinner, Jasmine spoke to me about today's street e and i told her how i felt. God used her to make it clear to me that i've been desiring results, that's why i was discouraged and disappointed. It was true, as i look upon it now. "I want God to save many people" "I want to see God move so mightily", and more "I wants". Though the desires were right, it became wrong when i forced it upon God's sovereign will. I want to see the results that i've imagined, which may well not be God's plans. I repented.

God did moved in the hearts of His people. I came back to the sanctuary late because i was counseling the new believer and i was immediately pulled into God's presence. I know that God revived the fire in our hearts once again but how long till we let busy schedules and worldly living fog it up? Will we humble themselves and pray and turn away from our worldly ways? Then only will He forgive and heal our land.

"Son, if there is only 1 salvation today will you still believe that I've moved mightily?"

B.O.M.G (3)

2008-03-26T20:39:00.003+08:00

Thank God.

I just shared the gospel with a group of secondary school (sec 3) kids who were hanging out at Paya Lebar Community Centre at Kovan. There was a free pool table there and they were there playing. I prayed and wonder what should i do or begin with. Guess it's gonna be that typical questions again but since the group's rather big (around 7 or 8) , i made it into a survey! "So if you were to get involved with an accident tonight, where would you go?".

Haha it was quite funny tho, they were a bunch of easy going kids, "Wah you curse us arh!" lol! However it's the question that will always get people thinking. Then i proceeded with my other questions, like "Do you know who Jesus Christ is?" and "What's your definition of love?". They were a bit distracted tho =( some continued to play pool, some talking on phone and others making fun of me (especially this guy that kept talking back at me haha). However there's always one or two that are listening to me so seriously and keep the others in attention. Thank God for them. I continued to share about God's love and Jesus as a friend that wouldn't leave you forever.

They didn't seem so interested and were getting really impatient. "So any questions?" "Nooooooo..." "Okay so, i can say that all of you want to accept Christ?" *Silence* "Then what's holding you back?" I didn't expect any answer because i just felt that i was just there to invite them for Saturday's Youth Evangelistic service. So i asked that and somehow they were already in a hurry to leave. Then this guy which kept making fun of me and talking back at me asked for my number. I just gave it to him, half expecting him to give me prank calls in the middle of the night.

Well, i was really kinda dejected. So i was just sitting there asking God, "Is this generation worth crying for?". I felt kinda dumb now asking that kind of question because God's answer will always be yes. He loved us so much, that He sent His one and only begotten Son to die for us, how can He not care for this generation? Nevertheless, i was down all the way till i get home.

Then a amazing thing happen, that boy SMSed me! and asked me what time will the service be starting. He said that he will try to come. WOW lol like i was expecting to be prank called or something and now this happened. PRAISE the LORD for such surprises!

Surrendering; Saving the world, one youth at a time.

2008-03-23T21:42:00.002+08:00

i finally knew the reason why it was so hard for me to surrender. I wasn't hungry for God enough. I was too easily satisfied with what He had done and what i'm doing for Him. Indeed, i've hardened my heart, to the point that i dont realize that i need that hunger.

i guess i'm a man of hard tears. I just cant cry at my own will, and when i do, i must really thank God because it's always His Spirit moving me. I dont know, maybe there's something wrong with my tear ducts. It often hinders me, it makes me wonder if my heart was really that hardened that i cant even cry out. Oh how i wish that tears will come easy.

So my point of surrender was just plain declaration. No tears, no moans, no groans. Does that mean that it's not genuine? I dont care, because i left everything to faith. Faith in God that He would strengthen me in my convictions and faith in what God promised as He sees faithfulness growing in me as i stick to Him. Thank God really, that it's just as simple as this, no need for hoo-hahs.

29/3 is drawing near. God's gonna do something great! I dont know why but He impressed on me this coming youth evangelistic service. I'm really excited!

Lord, lead me to one (group of. (= ) youth(s) today, everyday, till 29th and beyond!

Would you pick up the cross and surrender your will?

2008-03-22T11:14:00.003+08:00

That's what i felt God was asking me for a few weeks now. Surrendering my all. Picking up the cross. What do all these really mean? One thing i'm sure it's no easy task.

I was sadden by my friends as they were so eagerly defending the activity of clubbing. I dont condemn clubbing by itself. However i condemn the harmful activities that may be involved. Drug peddling, dosage, sex hook ups and addiction to drinking are all in the circle of clubbing. Another thing was that i was against Christians especially youths going to clubs because it does not glorify God, not even a single bit. Unless you're Reinhard Bonnke who once stepped into the club and stopped the music and preached a message and everyone repented of their sins and accepted Christ.

As i was walking home i was asking God, how come it's so hard reaching out to them? Will they ever come to accept you? But God just said "Would you give up your all and follow me?" "I'm going to use you but only if you surrender all" And i just cried and wept as i walked home, because i knew my answer was no.

Sometimes, i just wish that God would just take me by force. How i wish He would rob my heart out of it's willfulness and stubbornness. Just where is my true point of surrender?

Lord i lift my friend to You

2008-03-16T22:38:00.002+08:00

Lord, I lift my friend to you
I’ve done all that I know to do
I lift my friend to you

Complicated circumstances
Have clouded his view
Lord, I lift my friend up to you

I fear that I won’t have the words
That he needs to hear
I pray for your wisdom, Oh God
And a heart that’s sincere
Lord, I lift my friend up to you
(Casting Crowns, Prayer for a Friend lyrics)

Was the first of the 4 evangelistic service today. My dear friend attended the service today and i'm glad he did. Usually he would refused on the spot but i guess something in him made him come, or probably God put a yearning in his heart. But i thank God that he came anyway, even though he did not accept Christ. Well, i think this song really fits into this situation. I've done all that i could, i prayed, interceed and fasted. The rest is really up to God and His perfect timing. Thats why when my friend asked if i was disappointed at him not accepted i said nope, because i know one day God will show him how needy is he. I just pray that when that day comes, he will not harden his heart. Well praise God a billion times over!

B.O.M.G (2)

2008-03-08T22:45:00.003+08:00

WOOHOO! Praise GOD! It's just so overwhelmingly amazing that i just gotta tell the whole world about the absolute amazing-ness of this amazing thing God has done!

It all began in September 2007... God gave me a burden for the youths and i got up and went to spread the Word! Okay i shan't repeat the whole story which is posted here under the 25th of September post. All along i thought i was really dumb by not getting any form of contact from the students i spoke to and all i was left to do was to pray.

Time passed and i was wondering how are they doing? I began to pray that i may get a chance to see them again and to be really encouraged by their growth though i was half expecting that they are not going to church anymore. Well i prayed for a few months and still no chance of seeing them. I admit i kinda stopped praying for that. What God did was truly amazing. He granted me the opportunity to meet one of them.

It was after service at dinner in Bishan. I sat down turned back and i saw this familiar face. It's that guy from Guang Yang Sec! I smiled to him and he smiled back. After that was kinda funny. I gotta first admit that i forgot whether he was among those who accepted Christ whom i have spoken to. Then i recalled "yea! He's in fact the first guy to respond!" And God just played a video of remembering that he was the first to raise up his hand with head bowing down without even the slightest hesitation. Praise God!

But. I was in fear of disappointment. What if he had stopped going to church? What if it was just like a one shot thing to him? I admit i took a little long to decide to walk up to him and said "hi". And it was amazing. I asked how he has been and he said that he's attending church regularly! I then asked him what he has to thank God for in this period of his life. I reassured him that it wasn't a test or a trick question. He answered me that he really thank God for sending his son to die for him and went on about God's amazing love that was lavished on all of us! WHOA PRAISE GOD!

I asked him if he knew the others were doing well or not and he said that the backslided one was now attending church regularly. PRAISE GOD! Then he said that one guy stopped going after the first time there and he was praying for him. He's also attending cell group meetings and bible classes. Total shiokness. I prayed for him and then i went back to my own table to share of God's awesomeness with my life group members.

I really thank God for this. After so long of wondering how they were doing, God answered my prayers and displayed His work in the lives that He has touched. Thoroughly encouraging.

Purpose.

2008-03-03T20:08:00.002+08:00

Hmm i've been pondering. What's the purpose of my life now that i know that there is one God and He is alive and that He is mighty to save? The answer from the Holy Spirit was direct and simple. This is the purpose of my life: "To let people know that God has reconciled with the human race through the death of His son Jesus Christ."

Simple as that. I'm glad God gave me this answer or i'll be joining millions of others who question the purpose of their life. Well i know that there are more specific purposes of my life but i've yet to receive any answers yet. But as i continue to ponder and read the Word of God, God illustrated to me what it truly meant to be a Christian in this era, this time, this hour.

"He [Aaron] stood between the living and the dead, and the plague stopped." Numbers 16:48

I dont know how this verse speaks to you but it spoke tons to me. The Israelites were a stiff-necked generation. They never stop complaining even after God has shown them that He is their Lord and God thru so many miracles and works. Whenever something bad comes up they would cry out that they rather have stayed in Egypt.

God's wrath was upon them as a plague. Moses asked Aaron to grab his censer and fill it with incense and hurried to the assembly to make atonement for them. Aaron rushed and ran and stood between the living and the dead [I pictured the plague like a wave and the Israelites like Kallang wave liddat, row by row dropping dead], and he made the atonement and the plague stopped.

The same thing happened to the world. A world which deserved nothing but destruction. But God did not flood the world or sent a world wide plague, He sent His one and only Son as the everlasting atonement. "For if while we were enemies we were reconciled to God through the death of His Son, much more, having been reconciled, we shall be saved by His life." Rom 5:10

Jesus stood between the living and the dead. It's our turn to do so. "But what can i do but pray?" It was at this point the Holy Spirit spoke to me in a heavier tone. "Prayer is never the least thing, it is the greatest and most important thing that you must do!".

"All this is from God, who reconciled us to himself through Christ and gave us the ministry of reconciliation: that God was reconciling the world to himself in Christ, not counting men's sins against them. And he has committed to us the message of reconciliation. " 2 Corinthians 5:18-19.

Reconcile

2008-03-02T22:58:00.003+08:00

And so that was the end of the 3 long arduous weeks of studio project. 2 and a half weeks of hard work just kinda went down the drain at presentation when my friend got my Artificial Intelligence code broken. I was kinda devastated on the spot. I could've cried or yell something but i did not. Well, no idea why but i was really moody after that; even after a 2nd presentation of my AI codes by itself.

Spiritually, i kinda hit bottoms. Bed at 3 or 4 am is not helping anything at all. QT is compromised so many times and my relationship with God took the toll. I guess thats why my emotions are getting hold of me and the enemy's having a good time attacking me in every way.

I'm really glad that it's all over. However there's something that i'm more glad about. It's really none other than reconciling with God once again (i'm really glad that i didn't take a long time on this as i would have in the past). It's so good to stand before God once again in His presence just soaking in all the peace and really casting out all the burdens and baggage from the past weeks.

The sermons on both days are great. I must really admit that, yea i know who's the Holy Spirit by God's Word but I have really yet to come intimately close with this third person of the Trinity. On Saturday, i just committed myself to God once again and i told the Holy Spirit that i want to start this journey with Him right now.

"And I will ask the Father, and he will give you another Counselor to be with you forever" John 14:16

this is going to be so exciting!

At the Cross

2008-02-22T05:14:00.002+08:00

It's been a really really busy week. Days of not tiredness and disappointments. It's the 2nd week of my studio project and all i've got to say is that my progress is really really slow because of nasty bugs in everything i do and i was just stumped looking at the errors and wondering where they came from. I've got to admit, the time i spent praying and QT has been cut short for a few days and on one day i did not do QT at all because i was so tired that i just fell asleep. I could not wake up early to pray either because i was just so drained with only 3 to 4 hours rest each day. The worst of it came when i got hit with a cold near mid week.

But God has been good! Ever so forgiving and comforting. Earlier this week God answered one of my prayers which is to love Him with tears and i was glad that when i worshipped Him with the song "At the Cross", tears just kept flowing. All along i thought my heart was so hardened that it cant be touched! Another thing was that i felt God prompted me to write down my convictions and remember them as they become my boundaries in my life. Gotta keep praying over them as God sanctifies me thru and thru with His grace.

So yeap! It's been a tiring week but i still praise God for it!

the Love they never knew

2008-02-15T22:41:00.004+08:00

It's been a busy week. 9 to 8 in school on most days is certainly no fun. Well at least the weekend's are coming! Hoho spent my Valentines' Day in school with 2 other friends doing project like really sad people.

Valentines' Day hmm, didn't really celebrate it before but i must admit i did something real stupid in my adolescent years but hey thats something so long ago. Hmm well, i'm not sad that i'm not with some hot date on Valentines' because i'm already in the greatest Love story of all times. A love that's so wide and long and high and deep (mind you, thats 3 dimensional!). And I thank God, that i may have the privilege of being in His Love story.

A Love story that He wrote since the beginning of time...

A Love when He breathed life into man and made him rule over all creations,
A Love when He made the promise that there will never again be a flood to destroy earth,
A Love when He made Abraham father of the nations,
A Love when He led the people He redeemed out of Egypt, out of bondage,
A Love when He said to David,"I will be his Father, and he will be my son",

A Love that He sent His one and only Son to the world,
A Love that healed the sick, the blind, the deaf, the fallen,
A Love that did not cast the first stone at the sinner,
A Love that raised Lazarus from the dead,
A Love that hung there on the cross on Calvary.

A Love that saved a sinner like me.

Save my family please.

2008-02-10T20:16:00.000+08:00

Just had a heated argument with my parents. Is money the most important thing in this world? Yea probably to them but not me. Money, money, money is that what the world is revolving around? If the world was to revolve around what God's love then what a good place earth will be!

I just cant seem to get my message across to them. Yes, money is a important need, but if you put it as your focus in life then i guess you will never have happiness. You will probably be consumed by your own greed and the constant need for more to satisfy yourself.

Bah, probably it's my young age, they think that i'm still pretty immature with my thinking, believing everything i've heard in church. They might probably be even thinking that i've been brain-washed or being swindled by church. Or plain naive thinking? meh.

On Christ's solid rock i stand, i'm glad that i understood this hard truth regarding money. "Seek ye first the kingdom of God and all these things will be added unto you." All these things, money, material needs, jobs, will be added unto me if i truly put God in the first place in my life. Praise the Lord!

But i guess they will never understand this truth for they have never met Christ and His saving grace. In Him there is true joy, true peace, a love that is so freely given to all who believes. I need to pray more, fast more, intercede more for them. God, they need Your saving grace!

Time to set my desires right.

2008-01-27T22:43:00.000+08:00

It's time for me to set my desires right. If i want to spend time with God and still continue to do a good job in school work, something has just gotta go. I stepped down from NCC, it's time is start throwing all my games away, TV will have to cease existence soon.

It's time for me to set my desires right. If i want to begin spending more time with God, something of a desire must be set in my mind. Revival's gotta be my desire. Revival in God's people, Revival in Singapore, Revival in the youth generation, Revival around the world.

It's really time for me to set my desires right. No time to waste anymore!

Rend your hearts not your garments.

2008-01-24T08:02:00.000+08:00

Great time at Campus Day of Prayer yesterday. The message by Rev Victor set things at a serious note. "Do you love Jesus?" I'm sure we all do. But what does John 15:10 say? "If you obey my commands, you will remain in my love." Yea we're all good at our outward expressions to God. Raising our hands to worship, dancing to praise, shouting, cheering and all that stuff. But what goes on in our hearts? Let's just say that i'm more determined to have a closer relationship with Jesus after that sermon. I dont wanna be a half-baked Christian anymore.

Well it's quite a nice fellowship and all. I got to come in touch with other God lovers and pray together. Though i felt that prayer times were a lil short. However it's still good to pray with someone you've just met. I was so encouraged by the chinese Christians although they're not really good with english, but they still prayed in such a simplicity that just kinda moved me.

Revival. Revival. Revival. This word keeps coming back to me. Everything i do ever since the Heidi Baker's Conference just gotta relate to revival. I read about revival, i pray about revival, i fast for revival, i think what's gonna happen at a revival. However that still small voice just kept saying revival's gotta start in His children's heart. I'm glad i'm part of that. Theres just so much that God has called us to be as His agents in this dying world. I guess most of the time we've been struggling with ourselves. Issues, sins, pointless discussions, aimless thoughts, disobedience, stubbornness, putting on acts, wearing masks.

Have human weakness and imperfection became a excuse for us? Whenever i speak to people about the wrong things we do, this answer pops up. Didnt God make us to be more than conquerors? Co-heirs of His kingdom, with authority over the evil one? I feel that my heart is in the process of being revived. I'm not gonna let this season pass, are you?

Who am i?

2008-01-20T14:57:00.000+08:00

I am a young believer. There are many things i dont understand. I delight in God's truths and Words. I like to measure my life according to His Word. I love the way God transform me thru His Word. I love the way God transform others thru His Word. I love the way God orchestrate His plans thru fishermen, ex-pharisees, ordinary people like you and i. I love the way God loves me. I love the way God blesses me and draw me into Him. I love the way God teaches me thru every issue i deal with. I love the way God uses me to bring Him glory. I love the way God speaks to me. I love the way God moves me into tears. I love the way God forgives me. I love the way God looks into my heart.

Who is God truly to you?

I love to see people being saved. I love to hear the sinners' prayer being recited by the lost. I love to see people repenting of their sins and coming to God. I love people raising up their hands saying they want to accept Jesus as their Saviour. I love looking into people's life. I love to listen to people's life stories. I love how God changes people. I love how people hope in a God they just accepted. I love how people questions me about Christ. I love to hear of people's testimony of healings. I love to see people coming to know God. I love people, especially the lost.

Who are the lost to you?

I love worship. I love praying. I love fasting. I love interceding. I love kneeling down though sometimes i like to pray walking around. I love surrendering my life to Someone greater than i. I love spending time with God. I love to share God's good news with the lost. I love serenity and peace. I love to love my brothers and sisters in Christ just like how He loves me. I love listening to sermons. I love to share my testimonies with somebody. I love to share my burdens with somebody though i rather share with God. I love to comfort though i dont know how. I love to teach, nag, whatever to put people right with God. I love to use the Word to set people right with God. I love to share with people what God has taught me. I love to explain the Word to people. I love spiritual and godly discussions. I love to see people praying for one another. I love to hear what God has done in people's life. I love to build people up.

Who are the family of God to you?

B.O.M.G (1)

2008-01-17T19:40:00.000+08:00

Was praying in the morning yesterday, lifegroup, myself and BOMG. The more i prayed about my BOMG the more i felt the urgency and need to share the Word again. So i decided to go to Toa Payoh after my lessons. Gotta love Wednesdays because i end school earliest that day. Even though i moved to Punggol my heart is still in Toa Payoh. It's a good place to find youths loitering around void decks and playing basketball and stuff like that. There's 3 neighbourhood schools around the area and that triples the chances of finding somebody around.

Yes so it all started in Toa Payoh park, a good quiet place to pray and seek God's Word. Earlier that day as i was praying on the bus asking if i should go and share the Word today because i felt that i should not be calling the shots, sharing the Word anyhow i like. Just like what He said on Sunday night "go.". I prayed in the park and asked for a message and "Love" came up. I threw 3 bookmarks into my Bible marking all the scriptures i need and off i went.

I went on to the first neighbourhood near First Toa Payoh Secondary School. Nobody around. Second neighbourhood near Beatty Secondary School. Nobody Around. Third neighbourhood near Whitley Secondary. Somebody. It was a group of 3 guys in uniform smoking. Probably due to the long time since i last shared the Word i became hesitant. In the end i walked off giving the excuse that they were from China and might not get the message. I dont know, but i just felt bad about it because afterall, they are still youths and i chose not to speak to them.

Felt like giving up but theres still one more place to go. The place where i shared the Word with a group of secondary school kids before. This time round there were Beatty Secondary school kids there and i saw 2 of my cadets there. I counted at least 12 and so i went to the nearby shop to buy drinks. When i came back they're already packing up and i was like =0. I quickly rushed in to save the remaining ones from going off. So yeap, i started off with the typical question that i like to ask. If you were to meet with an fatal accident today, where would you go? and somehow i always get the same cheeky (yet hopeful) answer everytime. Heaven. But still it's a good question to start off. Then, "Anyone can tell me what love is?". "Sex".

I wasn't surprised tho, all the influences around them just points them to that. I carried on with other questions such as BGRs and parental love. Finally i gave them the definition of love, 1Cor 13:4-8. Then John 3:16 diagram to give them a good idea of who Jesus is and finally Q&A. Usual debates on whether God is real or not and after all that i asked who wanted to accept Christ and 3 raised up their hands. Then "who accepted before but never had a relationship with Him and want to do so?" another 1 hand up. Out of 7, 3 accepted, 1 came back to God, 1 was already a Christian and 2 did not.

Praise the Lord!

Jesus the Bread of Life

2008-01-15T00:25:00.000+08:00

I think i just wanna begin with this: "Every encounter with God leaves your life changed forever". Wonderful encounter with God during Heidi Baker's conference in Expo last night. Something just told me that I havta go no matter what when Jeremy told me about it and i'm glad i did. Great worship, sermon and altar call. The presence of God was so strongly manifested that i cant help but be sucked closer to God.

Even though i did not take down any sermon notes, i still remember all of it (almost all at least). I guess this just shows how much impact the sermon had on me. It's about "fresh bread from Heaven." I shan't type the whole thing here cause i already have a revision written in my journal. However i'll be really interested in sharing with the rest of POWER M&M about what was preached.

Tears kept flowing as i just wept and wept non-stop during her prayer. I cant even remember the last time i cried this much. It's been so long since i've been touched by the Holy Spirit in such a way as this. The presence of God was just so overwhelming.

In much of my late 2007 i was dealing with alot of condemnation and held down by issues regarding lust and i just simply don't understand why. But thank God as i learnt what grace truly is, i begin to find myself lifted out of my issues and condemnation. Yes, truly Jesus has given us the victory already and there is surely no defeat that the enemy can put you in. But did i have the faith to believe that? I'd say i have a weaving faith at first but as God spoke to me during the altar call, i felt a sense of super security and fearlessness that i'd ever fall into such defeat again.

Due to the condemnations i felt i thought that i'll never be clean enough to preach the Gospel to the burden of my generation. I began to lose sight of the burden God gave me. Now after weeks of victories, i'm really eager and excited to carry this burden once again. Once again God spoke to me about this and a resounding "GO" was heard. Yes, i want to shout of Your Good News once again to street kids, rejected youths, youths wearing masks, suicidal youths, every youth out there that needs You.

I want to share this bread with all the hungry out there.

2008.

2008-01-03T23:19:00.000+08:00

Wow. It seems like i almost forgot i had this thing called blog. It's been busy and lazy over the past couple of months, well, busy during the couple weeks before holidays and then lazy during the holidays. But all's well!

Hmm it's 2008. Cant help but to look back at 2007 and all the stuff that happened....

2007 is probably the best year of my life because i've received Christ! It's been a really exciting and wonderful ride so far and i cant get enough of it! (well, how can you ever get bored when God's the driver?) It's been life-changing, life-fulfilling, life-enhancing, life-enlightening all at the same time!

The lifegroup gathering was great. There was sharing and we get to see how God worked in each and every one of our lives in 2007 and praise God for that! Then there was the worship and praise all the way before countdown! It was really fun praising God for all the things that He had done in our lives and yeap He deserves every part of it!

As for 2008. Hmm my resolutions are to be even more en-rooted into God's Word, to be more involved in people's lives and not forgetting, the Burden of My Generation! A new neighbourhood, a new environment but same burden! Yes, i really hope God would begin to open my eyes to the youths once again that i may shout of His Good News to them!

Jesus You're my SUPERHERO!

2007-11-28T21:57:00.000+08:00

Jesus you're my superhero
You're my star, my best friend
Jesus you're my superhero
You're my star, my best friend

=D lol my cousin's staying with me for a week. At first i thought, aiyah my quiet time's gonna get disrupted again. But thank God not only it's not disrupted but i managed to evangelize to him! He came for the church's children evangelistic meeting and came to know the Lord. I read him Noah's Ark from the Bible. Nope not directly from NIV but from CTKV (Chen Thong Kids Version) lol. Praise the Lord, he understood the story preeetty well.

I really thank God for the work in his little life. He asked me today where is heaven and i said it's something we cannot see now. Then he asked when? i said when we die. lol then he asked how to see when we die? I said that if anyone believes that Jesus is the Son of God, when he die, he will go to heaven. Then he just exclaimed: "I believe!". lol i'm pretty sure that God's working mightily in him with such cute faith!

He's super excited. I'm super excited. We're super excited. Because we just sang Jesus You're my Superhero for a few times and it's just so fun to praise God with him! He's asking me to read him another story tonight and i think i'll be reading Adam and Eve from the CTKV.

New experience.

2007-11-25T23:21:00.000+08:00

I should be doing work but i cant get myself into the mood especially i've not done my quiet time yet. Grr school work = /

Saturday was great. Aunty Ruth preached about building a strong foundation upon God's Word. It spoke alot to me because somehow i felt that God already taught me that and the sermon was like a revision to me. At the end of it i just felt committed again to continue to strive in God's Word.

Then it came to Lifegroup. The sharing was great as always, our internal response towards God and His unstoppable love. And then to worship. It was my first time and i felt that i screwed up alot. I kinda messed up big time on some parts because i'm not sure whether to die down or not. But the worst of all was that i kept forgetting to hold up the cords for Jerrold. I felt super guilty for that because he kept signaling to me and i kept forgetting again and again. At one point the music was off because of that. I don't know, even when it came for me to beckon the members to worship, i just felt so uneasy. Overall i felt kinda disappointed at myself even after Jeremy and Jerrold's comforting words.

I dont know. I became kinda down after that. Havta go home early to do some school work and was really glad that there was no one at home when i got back because it means early quiet time. I guess God saw how much disappointment i felt against myself and I was really glad that He pulled me thru it all(like He always does). I guess the most important thing He taught me once again was that it really isn't the result that matters but the journey i went thru. Sanctification, praying for songs, praying for a burden for the lifegroup, worship and praise. The Lord brought me through all that during that couple of weeks and i just felt that indeed it's the journey that really matters. Praise the Lord for this journey and this new experience =D

New.

2007-11-19T18:51:00.000+08:00

Hoo~ what a day of packing. 2 more weeks and i'll be off to Pungol! Hmm am i looking forward? YES and a lil no. Yes because everything's gonna be new! New bed, new TV, new sofa, new everything! A lil no because the traveling time to anywhere will be 2 times longer = / But thats ok! I'll counter that with books and more mp3s.

But the one thing i'm super looking forward to is definitely having the whole room to myself! No more public computer in my room! Which also means earlier and more private quiet time! No more QTs past midnights! Ahh that'd be great man, guess i wont be waking up in the morning and find myself sleeping on my Bible anymore.

Okay now i'm super excited again thinking bout all the new changes. While packing stuff, we were (my dad and i) talking bout the bad people in the world. People who are unjust towards others just because they held authority or wealth and such. My dad threw me a question: "Wouldn't you think it's good to have a big war and wipe everything out and we can all start out again?" Lots of biblical stuff went thru my head but i decided not to say anything but give my signature sheepish laugh. I know he's asking me to voice a Christian view to it but i dont know why i didn't say anything.

Looking back, I probably would've said: "Yeap something like that would happen in the future. During what we call the Great Tribulation and at it's climax there will be the final battle "Armageddon", satan vs God and we already know whose gonna win. And after that God's gonna make everything new again."

He who was seated on the throne said, "I'm making everything new!" Rev 21:5

Search.

2007-11-18T22:29:00.000+08:00

Yes. I finally got back to reading books. I guess all of a sudden computer games just stopped amusing me. Probably God's helping me to redeem my time and yes i thank God for that. First off i'm finally done with Wai Yin's 3 books and all i can say is they're really great and helped heaps (no. i didn't read all 3 in 1 go. i just managed to kick myself into finishing the last one =D) I started with Rachel's Tears which was about a girl who died during the Columbine High School Shootings. Not just any other girl, but a girl who knew God so intimately that even at her last breadth, she did not deny that shes a Christian. Tells me what Christianity is, at its very basic, Love the Lord, your God, with all your heart, with all your soul, with all your mind, with all your strength.

The second book was about God's nature. It was wonderful timing because at then i was wondering what the holy Trinity is, lots of facts and truths that helped me understand what 0.000000000001% of who God truly is. But i guess we can never fathom all of God's ways so 0.0000000000001% is still quite a huge number =0

The third and last book which i've just finished reading bout a week ago was A Glimpse Into Glory, a biography of Kathryn Kulhman. It was simply amazing tho i must really admit the tone was kinda strong in some kind of way. But her healing ministry just simply amazed me. This book and the book i'm currently reading (Wigglesworth, the complete story) just made me feel how God could really work thru someone to bring such powerful spiritual manifestations to the people out there.

I dont know but it just makes me look at the life i'm living now. I cant even be constantly be on fire for God. It just keeps fluctuating up and down, up and down like a wave. Committing my life and trust in Him today and doubt Him the very next day, bahh just like the man who is like the wave and yes he should not think he will receive anything from the Lord. But still looking at all my weaknesses, God dosen't give up on me and still managed to use me in some small ways and i thank Him for that. I'm not satisfied with what i am at now, i guess the search for God's heart goes on, in His Words and Works. One more plate of self-discipline please!

Waves ~

2007-11-11T20:13:00.000+08:00

If i were to plot out my spiritual life on a piece of graph paper i guess it will look like a really wavy graph with lots of parabolas. I dont know but i just became so sick and tired of this kind of life. Sometimes i'm so high in praises on mountains speaking with God as if face to face, yet on other days of the week i can fall so deep down right into the valley of death.

Last week was a week where i reached the highest and yet also the lowest. In the beginning of the week i was so high up, never have i felt so broken and on fire and i began pleading to God that His Spirit may manifest in me so strongly. All until Tuesday. As i came before the Lord, i just dont know why i cant feel His presence at all. The next 2 days felt like i was in a spiritual desert, didn't even felt like doing my quiet time and all. It was really the lowest i've ever felt.

Bahh dont feel like describing it anymore but at the very end i just saw myself at the Y junction, the path that leads to the world and the other to God. Friday was a day of reconciliation and i was really glad that i was delivered and put back on the right track =D

Is my foundation strong?

2007-11-04T20:53:00.000+08:00

It's been quite a whirlwind thru these 8 months ever since i came to know the Lord. So many things changed ever since and still are changing. The thing is, i felt that everything's going too fast. Have i learnt all that the Lord wants me to learn in this season? Have i missed out anything? I guess that's why God asked me this question, "Is my foundation strong?". I took weeks to think about this and today i dare to say to the Lord that, "Yes my foundation is strong, because my foundation is You Lord."

Probably it was because i felt that God is giving me a crash course thru everything. From who He is, repentance, fasting, evangelism, crying, reading of His word, praying, there's just so many things He brought me through. I on the other hand just felt like a little kid piled up with lots of presents from his father.

As i see people backsliding in the lifegroup i realize that "hey, i might end up like one of them someday". Not that i want to but i guess everyone faces trials and temptations. If my foundation is not strong i'll probably just fade away too. I dont know it'd probably like that little kid throwing all the precious presents away and running after something else.

So who is this little kid to receive all that was given to him? What makes him worthy in his father's eyes? Was he so greedy that he just kept asking his father for more? Who is he to his father?

It's never about this little kid. It's all about Father. It's all about Jesus.

i know the sins that i carry are forgiven,
i know the times spent on my knees are not wasted,
i know the tears i cried are bottled and kept,
i know the my prayers are heard,
i know the things of the future is is Your hands,
i know, i know because You are my Lord,
and i want my life to be all about You.

Truly, truly it's all about Jesus.

It's all about JESUS

2007-10-31T23:41:00.000+08:00

Man, i guess things are easier when you trust God. I'm suppose to select a song for the next life group meeting and I was wondering what to choose from because i dont really have tons of worship songs in my library. Was hoping that God would speak to me about what song to choose as i read and did week 2 day 1 of Experiencing God Together. Ehh God spoke but not related to this so yea never mind because i still have 1 week more to pray.

Hmmm i dont know but as i woke up the next day i just started to remember a song.

It's all about Jesus
It's all about the way he changed our lives
It's all about Jesus
The power of his blood can't be denied
It's all about Jesus
It's all about the convenant he made
It's all about Jesus
Victorious he rose up from the grave

We lift our hearts to him
He is the reason that we sing
Hallelujah, Hallelujah, Hallelujah,
We praise your name

It's all about Jesus
It's all about the way he set us free
It's all about Jesus
Bearing all our sins at Calvary
It's all about Jesus
It's all about the gift of love he gave
It's all about Jesus
The precious lamb of God was slain

Okay. I didn't remember the whole song i just remembered the starting tune and the verse "It's all about Jesus" (which was only the first verse. lol). Thank God the song title was just that and i found out it was sung by Planet Shakers. I think we sung this once during a Saturday service and i guess i'm really glad that God made a impression in me of that song. Since i dont have this song i have to check it out in imeen (or was it imeem?) and managed to hear the whole song =D

Now to the next step: Why this song? Well at least no worries that i cant find a song in my pathetic library (yes. i ought to start buying more CDs) =D

What's worship about?

2007-10-29T22:00:00.000+08:00

Was listening to the K-Love Christian radio station ( klove.com) and came across this song which kinda answered my question.

Just a part of the chorus:

i'm going back to a heart of worship,
it's all about you,
it's all about you, Jesus

simple as that. From Him which all goodness derives from. I guess i really must get a heart of worship. Where can i buy one? How much does it cost? Thank God it's all free from the Lord Himself.

I'm quite excited at what i'm gonna learn from the Lord as i get to serve as worship leader for one of life group sessions in November. It's always like that, God always prepares you in some way before you do something new. Like when i fasted for the first few times, "Man does not live on bread alone, but on every word that comes from the mouth of God." kept popping out of my head and taught me that God's word is above hunger.

I must really say that klove really rocks and i guess i've just found a new music player apart from itunes when i'm doing my work on my lappy. Wow if only i can tune in to the radio station using a local radio. How great would that be?

faith now.

2007-10-23T23:44:00.000+08:00

Then Jesus told him, "Because you have seen me, you have believed; blessed are those who have not seen and yet have believed." John 21:25

"Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see." Hebrews 11:1

I guess that is why we've been called to live by faith and not by sight. Have i seen Jesus in real person? Nope but i know i've encountered Him and i believe that He's seated at the right hand of God right now. Why do i believe? Because i've read it in the Word of God:

"Yes, it is as you say," Jesus replied. "But i say to all of you: In the future you will see the Son of Man sitting at the right hand of the Mighty One and coming on the clouds of heaven." Matt 26:64

So thats the truth right there, in the Word of God. I'm really glad that the Lord has placed so much emphasis on the Word in my heart and made my faith based on it. I guess the verse: "So then faith cometh by hearing, and hearing by the word of God"Rom 10:17(KJV) really applies.

So just like the wise man who built his house on solid rock, we should build our hopes on the solid Word of God with stones of faith.

faith then.

2007-10-21T15:14:00.000+08:00

2 men were talking outside of their houses in the city of Galilee.
Man A: "Hey, I heard that the man called Jesus of Nazareth is here in our town. I heard from my sister that he healed a woman with leprosy down the 8th street!"

Man B: "You heard? I saw the whole thing! He just told the woman that her faith had healed her and off she went well!"

Man A:"WOW then surely i must bring my son who has been sick for days to Him!"

(this is just something that i've imagined up. nope not from the Bible =p)

As i was reading the gospels, i was wondering what faith was like during the days when Jesus walked on earth. I guess it's something like that. The people were able to experience first hand the awesome power and glory of God and His works. What gave them the faith to know that those they brought to Jesus would be healed? Was it something they heard from one another? Was it because of their first hand witness to a healing? Or was it plainly because they believed that Jesus was really the Messiah and that He came as a Prince of Peace to restore and heal?
__________________________________

2 man were standing outside their houses talking..

Man A: "Yesterday my church prayed for a blind believer and he received His sight! Praise the Lord!"

Man B: "Ha! You expect me to believe? Trying to bring me to church arh?" *shuts gate*

Back to school!

2007-10-17T21:38:00.000+08:00

Ended my last day of work yesterday morning. Totaled up my pay and was really happy to see that everything's according to plan. Enough for a guitar, parents, family dinner and a couple more hundreds to go and i'll have enough for development fund! The fund raising project is indeed a faith raising project. I remembered what i wrote on my pledge card: "No fear =D" (inclusive of smiley face. I can't believe they pinned my pledge card to the notice board =0). Though it wasn't "No fear =D" all the way but in the end i've come to realize that there is indeed nothing to fear when God is involved in it. *Congratulations! Your faith has risen by 1 level!* *New skill learned: No-Fear-Next-Time*

Really excited to go back to school. I've been thinking about something. What am i gonna be when i grow up? I felt that i might not want to do what i'm studying right now because i do not want to be part of something that makes things that stumbles others. Probably i can create educational games or Christian themed games otherwise i'll probably go a different career path. Well, the future's all in the Lord's hands. Who knows? i might become a missionary or something. lol. But one thing i know, it is to continue to work hard in school to glorify God.

Our course manager spoke to us today bout how students should be. We should have 3 learning skills, listen, seeing and psychomoto. We listen and we see and then we practice or do what we have learned from what we have heard or saw. How similar it is to the attitude we should adopt with the Word of God! We are hearers and readers (it's really a privilege because people in the olden days do not have the canonized bible so they could only hear.) of the Word of God and we must also be do-ers of it.

"Therefore everyone who hears these words of mine and puts them into practice is like a wise man who built his house on on the rock. The rain came down, the streams rose, and the winds blew and beat against that house yet it did not fall, because it had its foundation on the rock. But everyone who hears these words of mine and does not put them into practice is like a foolish man who built his house on sand. The rain came down, the streams rose, and the winds blew and beat against that house, and it fell with a great crash." Matt 7:24-27.

Although it's certainly not easy, but one thing i'm sure of, God is with us in the Spirit and He will enable us to be like that wise man whose foundation was rock steady!

Pride.

2007-10-14T14:54:00.000+08:00

"Pride is the bane of God's work" -personal revelation

I guess this is really true and I think God is working on this part of my life now. I don't think i'm arrogant of any sort but recently God made me realize that I am prideful in some ways. Like once, one of my fellow senior CLT (Lydia) told me that i had pride and i didn't understand why. I guess pride comes in alot of ways. I was organising a camp and i was really exhausted and wanted to give up planning it because there's just so much trouble to go thru and the IC was a busy person and often asked me to do most of the stuff. Struggled with stress alot and i confided in her. She told me i have pride because even when i have so much work to do i still accepted to help. I was like huh? But i finally understood what it meant. It was all to maintain an image and impression.

Once i told a friend that i preached to a group of strangers and he told me that he felt shameful. Then i decided to not tell anyone at all because i was afraid that it would be like show-off to them. But sometimes it's really hard to keep all this to myself, you preached the Gospel and 3 souls accepted Christ, how can you not burst out with joy? I guess i really came under the deception of the enemy this time because i didn't tell this testimony out so that it will not become a pride. But it became one because i was holding this back to be humble. I didn't realise what a testimony could do until a friend explained to me just now and it sorta like a ending school bell to this part of lesson.

I guess i understand now, surely God always teaches us in some way or another. It's just if we have noticed His work or not. Same goes to my name Benedict (blessed). I can never call myself blessed until i sit down at the end of the day and think of what God did in my lives, the goodness and blessings. It is until then i come to realize that every single day is a blessing from God.

Parents.

2007-10-13T11:35:00.000+08:00

"Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. Honor your father and mother, which is the first commandment with a promise." Ephsians 6:1 & 2

I really must thank God for His Word. Thanks to these verses i find my relationship with my parents becoming better. I guess theres really power of transformation in His Word. I used to disrespect them alot and some parts of my mind jus didnt really liked them.

They used to look down on me a couple years back calling me useless and all that because every time they see me, they see me on the computer and the times that i studied they did not see. Haha thinking back it's so foolish of me, remembering once i contemplated suicide because my dad called me a useless son. Thanks to someone i manage to come out of that. I was more determined to show them that i ain't useless and studied really hard for my Os. Managed to get a score which was as good as my sis and i guess that kinda shut them and my relatives up. However i was still rebellious and not hesitate to talk back or even shout back. I guess it's all in the past instances that made me this way.

But thank God i'm convicted and now i hold them in reverence. I'm beginning to see that they are changing too, letting me come to church and being so good to me (which i need some time to get used to). I begin to see much more of how they cared for me and their love for me. Praise the Lord for opening my eyes.

I treated my family to Cafe Cartel last night and it was great! Haha i guess it's been quite long since we've been out as a family and i just loved the funny bones we all shared (as in humor, u wont find this dish in their menu =p). I kinda think that dinner signify growth and maturity of me to them and i hope our relationships keep growing. But then again, i'll be earth's most unfilial son if i don't preach the gospel to them, and i hope God will continue to open up opportunities for me to share = D

"When Jesus saw his mother there, and the disciple whom he loved standing nearby, He said to his mother, "Dear woman, here is your son." and to the disciple, "Here is your mother." From that time on, this disciple took her into his home." John 26 & 27

Even near His time of death, amidst all His suffering and pain on the cross, He cared for His earthly mother....

Kids.

2007-10-08T23:23:00.000+08:00

"Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of heaven belongs to such of these" Matthew 19:14

I think Sunday's service will be going deep down into my head as one of the best service ever. Worship was awesome, not because all the songs we sang were great but because there was a total uplifting of spirits in the church. It's just like living rivers of spirits flowing thru the whole sanctuary. I guess thats the real power of communal worship. You can never experience this torrential feeling worshipping the Lord all by yourself. The worship topped off with "I could sing of Your love forever" and everyone was worshipping like we're all worshipping in heaven, right before the Lord himself! POWER~!

Thinking back that song just held so much truth. If the world has seen the light they will surely be rejoicing like us! For some reason it made me wondered what will it be like when a island wide revival happens in Singapore. Miracles, healings, people turning away from religions, healing of wounded hearts, casting out of demons. Wow. Crusades, evangelistic outreaches, Gospel being preached everywhere. Is this what a revival is like? I dont really know until it really happens here.

Okay going back to Sunday's service. It was a kid's celebration. Seeing the kids worship really encouraged me a lot and it was also great fun. I guess this is what child-liked faith is all about, everything at it's most basic, humblest, plainest, purest and simplest. "Verily i say unto you, Except ye be converted, and become as little children, ye shall not enter into the kingdom of heaven." Matt 18:3( KJV. I wondered why they removed the word "verily" in NIVs, probably old english?) . The truth just came alive during Sunday's service.

"Therefore, whoever humbles himself like this child is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven" Matt 18:4