Is Shifting!

Yes i'm no long super. lol. meh. I guess a new chapter of my life would definitely bring about changes and one of which just happened to be my blog. I dont know if anyone still reads it but apparently a couple of friends still do so here you go, the new blog address, www.ohchivalry.blogspot.com

I'm gonna try and blog more, as i'm trying very hard learning to express myself better and i'd figure the writing helps. hopefully.

so cheers.

:)

So What's Next?

Okay, 2 posts in one day, i'm just really bored now that i'm on block leave. Anyway, it's so very saddening to see all their POP photos on facebook, while they are all throwing their caps in tekong yesterday i was in bed recovering from high fever. Wished i could've been there with my brothers till the end but alas i just had to concede defeat to this silly fever.

Mmm so what's next? I really don't know but i do hope to get into the Flying Experience Program (FEP), i heard it's slack and high pay, plus you wont lose the chance to go to command school if your air grading fails. They all say that i'm OCS bound but things DO happen and so i'm keeping my fingers crossed till the postings are out.

Well if i dont get into OCS, SISPEC's the way to goooo, i just dont want to be a man. I can't imagine telling my son next time, "ah boy ah, your dad was a infantry MAN last time! everyday chiong sua!", man that would be kinda xia suay. So NO! no man! please!

And if i do get into OCS, it's gonna be so tempting to sign on. Signing on would mean that i dont have to rely on my parents anymore! Oh wow, they could really use those grands for holidays and retire blissfully without a tinge of worry for their thoughtful son, heh heh. But it's gonna be a 6 year bond tho and i'm not so sure that i want to give up the dreams of teaching just yet.

Guess there's lots to think about, now that more options are opening up and i hate to say it but all these things sound so dang important!

Is God Cruel?

You know, Punggol is a nice place to live in. There are kids EVERYWHERE and they are all O'so cute, they're like sunflowers on a field that just perk your day up, well that is if you like children.

I heard from my mom about a news whereby a five year old child was knocked down by a car, more specifically a Subaru Impreza and i just felt kinda devastated. The child died inevitably because the car was speeding and i asked myself this, why did God allow this to happen? Cant He intervene somehow? I would've answered this easily if i was doing better but right now with my dwindling faith i could only throw myself logical suggestions.

Anyhow, at the end of it i came to this conclusion, humans are screwed up, like totally. I guess that's why we need a Saviour. It's never God's fault that all these mishaps happen, He gave us free will and control and i guess we just mess things up, oblivious to the consequences of our actions. Ah speaking of consequences, we will never be able to escape from you, and now the death of a little girl for a man's folly.

And I'd never fathom how God can love the man as much as the child. never.

Looking Back.

9 more days to POP and i am so happy. I'm tired, really tired mentally all this while trying to cope with the things that's happening in me. I've somewhat changed and i'm not really liking the "me" right now but hey, now that's a motivation to change for the better.

I guess it's been too long since i spend time, like real quality and proper time with God. I can imagine my "spirit man" drying up, like spongebob out of water and i'm not doing much about it. I'm just really punched out by fatigue and it really killed my desire to go to church sometimes. Army's such a big test and it revealed so much ugliness in me and just what my faith stands on.

And there's the matters of the heart as well. My esteem took several blows looking at how i'm going downhill on my morality and principles that i just dont see myself worthy of who she is. I guess that's why i've not been contacting her at all and argh it's kinda killing me.

Oh if only i could find the "off" buttons for my emotions. Oh wait i think i found it, army. Ha, i used to look forward to booking in because i thought that army was fun and full of new experiences (it really is.), now i look forward to it because it numbs me. I just have to go around and do stuff people tell me to but come bedtime when these thoughts return, all i could do is switch on my ipod and listen to my "emo songs" playlist.

Ahhh, at the end of it all, all i can say is that "nothing seems right when i'm not with You".

Hello, Good Morning How Ya Do.

I was writing my commanders' appraisal and i discovered something about myself, I suck totally at describing people. I guess i'm bad at processing people's actions, speech and intentions or maybe i'm just plain shallow at judging people. Bah, anyOhow it's something to add to my "who-am-i-really" list.

It's funny how you live so long, how you look into the mirror each day and sometimes wonder, IS THAT ME? I mean like me, wow me, look i can raise up a hand, do a twirl or maybe a somersault in the bathroom. Ha. This the season for me to know myself better and i'm trying to compile a list of things i know about myself, the things i like to do, my intentions, my school of thought and stuff. It's outright weird i know but yet it's a journey i have to take, a journey to find out who this person i'm living with for the past 20 years really is.

If I Don't Come Back... (2)

tell my mom i love her. hahahaha. Okay, a few more moments and i'd be off to defend my country or rather learn how to defend my country. Field camp's starting tmr and it's gonna be the highlight of BMT and i sure hope i'd survive this without needing to report sick or anything.

It's gonna be tough both physically and mentally but it'd be quite an experience, sleeping in tents and holes, putting camo cream on your face everyday, crawling around and stuff. Ahhh i just hope the shagness of it all wont pull me down and turn me selfish or worst still, a raging mad man. It's simply too easy to go into rage mode and getting angry at people who seem so blur and selfish sometimes. Sure hope everyone would cooperate and work together as a platoon so we wouldnt get tekan like crazy and swim in mud pools.

God save us all!

When the Initial Excitement Wears Off...

and all i'm left with are my goals and an integrity to keep intact. Argh. Hopefully these would be enough to keep me motivated. God help me. It's been 5 weeks and i'm getting bugged by this feeling, oh yes it gotta be the feeling of lethargy.

Yeah it's still "fun" and all manly but i guess this dreadful feeling has its way of creeping up on you. It leaves you at a sub-standard, unmotivated state and tempts you to just take the easy way out sometimes. Oh lethargy how i hate you so.

Okay got to pull myself together now and keep giving it my best shot, whatever it takes man. I guess this is the part where it gets mental and high time i get honed in this aspect!