Yes i'm no long super. lol. meh. I guess a new chapter of my life would definitely bring about changes and one of which just happened to be my blog. I dont know if anyone still reads it but apparently a couple of friends still do so here you go, the new blog address, www.ohchivalry.blogspot.com
I'm gonna try and blog more, as i'm trying very hard learning to express myself better and i'd figure the writing helps. hopefully.
so cheers.
:)
Okay, 2 posts in one day, i'm just really bored now that i'm on block leave. Anyway, it's so very saddening to see all their POP photos on facebook, while they are all throwing their caps in tekong yesterday i was in bed recovering from high fever. Wished i could've been there with my brothers till the end but alas i just had to concede defeat to this silly fever.
Mmm so what's next? I really don't know but i do hope to get into the Flying Experience Program (FEP), i heard it's slack and high pay, plus you wont lose the chance to go to command school if your air grading fails. They all say that i'm OCS bound but things DO happen and so i'm keeping my fingers crossed till the postings are out.
Well if i dont get into OCS, SISPEC's the way to goooo, i just dont want to be a man. I can't imagine telling my son next time, "ah boy ah, your dad was a infantry MAN last time! everyday chiong sua!", man that would be kinda xia suay. So NO! no man! please!
And if i do get into OCS, it's gonna be so tempting to sign on. Signing on would mean that i dont have to rely on my parents anymore! Oh wow, they could really use those grands for holidays and retire blissfully without a tinge of worry for their thoughtful son, heh heh. But it's gonna be a 6 year bond tho and i'm not so sure that i want to give up the dreams of teaching just yet.
Guess there's lots to think about, now that more options are opening up and i hate to say it but all these things sound so dang important!
You know, Punggol is a nice place to live in. There are kids EVERYWHERE and they are all O'so cute, they're like sunflowers on a field that just perk your day up, well that is if you like children.
I heard from my mom about a news whereby a five year old child was knocked down by a car, more specifically a Subaru Impreza and i just felt kinda devastated. The child died inevitably because the car was speeding and i asked myself this, why did God allow this to happen? Cant He intervene somehow? I would've answered this easily if i was doing better but right now with my dwindling faith i could only throw myself logical suggestions.
Anyhow, at the end of it i came to this conclusion, humans are screwed up, like totally. I guess that's why we need a Saviour. It's never God's fault that all these mishaps happen, He gave us free will and control and i guess we just mess things up, oblivious to the consequences of our actions. Ah speaking of consequences, we will never be able to escape from you, and now the death of a little girl for a man's folly.
And I'd never fathom how God can love the man as much as the child. never.
9 more days to POP and i am so happy. I'm tired, really tired mentally all this while trying to cope with the things that's happening in me. I've somewhat changed and i'm not really liking the "me" right now but hey, now that's a motivation to change for the better.
I guess it's been too long since i spend time, like real quality and proper time with God. I can imagine my "spirit man" drying up, like spongebob out of water and i'm not doing much about it. I'm just really punched out by fatigue and it really killed my desire to go to church sometimes. Army's such a big test and it revealed so much ugliness in me and just what my faith stands on.
And there's the matters of the heart as well. My esteem took several blows looking at how i'm going downhill on my morality and principles that i just dont see myself worthy of who she is. I guess that's why i've not been contacting her at all and argh it's kinda killing me.
Oh if only i could find the "off" buttons for my emotions. Oh wait i think i found it, army. Ha, i used to look forward to booking in because i thought that army was fun and full of new experiences (it really is.), now i look forward to it because it numbs me. I just have to go around and do stuff people tell me to but come bedtime when these thoughts return, all i could do is switch on my ipod and listen to my "emo songs" playlist.
Ahhh, at the end of it all, all i can say is that "nothing seems right when i'm not with You".
I was writing my commanders' appraisal and i discovered something about myself, I suck totally at describing people. I guess i'm bad at processing people's actions, speech and intentions or maybe i'm just plain shallow at judging people. Bah, anyOhow it's something to add to my "who-am-i-really" list.
It's funny how you live so long, how you look into the mirror each day and sometimes wonder, IS THAT ME? I mean like me, wow me, look i can raise up a hand, do a twirl or maybe a somersault in the bathroom. Ha. This the season for me to know myself better and i'm trying to compile a list of things i know about myself, the things i like to do, my intentions, my school of thought and stuff. It's outright weird i know but yet it's a journey i have to take, a journey to find out who this person i'm living with for the past 20 years really is.
tell my mom i love her. hahahaha. Okay, a few more moments and i'd be off to defend my country or rather learn how to defend my country. Field camp's starting tmr and it's gonna be the highlight of BMT and i sure hope i'd survive this without needing to report sick or anything.
and all i'm left with are my goals and an integrity to keep intact. Argh. Hopefully these would be enough to keep me motivated. God help me. It's been 5 weeks and i'm getting bugged by this feeling, oh yes it gotta be the feeling of lethargy.
Yeah it's still "fun" and all manly but i guess this dreadful feeling has its way of creeping up on you. It leaves you at a sub-standard, unmotivated state and tempts you to just take the easy way out sometimes. Oh lethargy how i hate you so.
Okay got to pull myself together now and keep giving it my best shot, whatever it takes man. I guess this is the part where it gets mental and high time i get honed in this aspect!
"Book in happy, book out happier". That was my reply to one of my awesome bunkmate when he caught me smiling all the while when we're on the ferry to our "chalet". Haha i think i'm a lil nuts having such positivity but hey, it's a good thing.
Ahh 3 weeks already! I've met all sorts of people in here and it's a huge part funny but frustrating sometimes. Gotta say that the army is the place where your patience is put to the test and how far you'd go to love your neighbors even if they're really hard to love. So far i think i'm failing like crazy lol. Okay. Love more and make fun less.
But on a more serious note, i've gotta look at my intentions on doing things. Even if i'm giving my best, am i doing it just to get to command school or am i obliged to do my best for God? Mmm it's something i have to keep reminding myself, just what is my motivation, my goals and aims or God Himself? Oh may it never be that i give this my best shot just because i wanna get what i want.
Argh and please pray for my throat lol, i'm losing my voice and croaking like a toad every book out. I cant even sing my favorite songs :( Ahhh the consequence of being a timer and "singer" in the company.
2 weeks into training and it's been tiring but nevertheless fulfilling. I kinda like it actually, lol first day in there and the ncc cadet in me just took over, i guess regimentation's in my blood.
It all lies in the attitude actually. If you went in with an attitude that you're gonna waste 2 years of your life, then you probably would. It'd be much better if you go in with a more positive attitude. Good thing i'm of the latter, or maybe i'm just plain silly, I went in thinking i'm gonna serve my country :D and that everything i have here is worth defending. Sounds like a whole lot of patriotism but hey, a man's gotta do what a man's gotta do, it's part of being a MAN. Oh my, now i feel kinda sad actually, i'm probably from the wrong era XD, who still hold these thoughts these days?!
Thank God for everything i've experienced in there so far, my bunkmates are awesome and so are the commanders (none too sadistic or anywhere near that.phew.). Oh and not forgetting my wonderful parents, they've been treating me soooo well every time i book out. Lol cant forget how my mom sounded when i called her during the first couple of days in there, i thought she was close to tears XD
So i guess this would be my final phase of growing from a youth to a young adult, it's a brand new chapter and i like it. (i've always loved new things anyway.) There'd be more challenges to overcome, more discoveries about myself, more changes i have to make and also the failures i'd have to pick myself up from but with God, i'm sure i'm gonna have a blast of a time in this season :D
Mmm been listening to the songs from these guys (they're called Nevertheless) lately. I'd say they're a secular christian band and their songs are pretty sound.
And this is for that special someone who might not even see this lol.
What if the fad burns out?
What if we're left without
Anyone to call our own?
You've got it figured out
If ever your in doubt
Never have to feel alone
People they come and people they go.
I could be wrong, but,
There's one thing I know
It's a longshot, baby,
But someday both of us will die
So I was thinking, maybe,
I could be your semi-perfect guy.
You don't know me, baby,
But I was hopin' we could try
For a longshot, you and I.
What if we take a chance,
What if we break your plans
And let me sweep you off your feet
You said you hate romance,
But I'm a persistent man
And I want you here with me
People they come and people they go.
I could be wrong, but,
There's one thing I know
It's a longshot, baby,
But someday both of us will die
So I was thinking, maybe,
I could be your semi-perfect guy.
You don't know me, baby,
But I was hopin' we could try
For a longshot, you and I.
I've been prayin' all my life
For love that's true,
But I never thought I'd get a girl like you.
O can't you see
Heaven sent you to me. (i lol'ed @ this line. really. it's super cheesy.)
It's a longshot, baby,
But someday both of us will die
So I was thinking, maybe,
I could be your semi-perfect guy.
You don't know me, baby.
But I was hopin' we could try
For a longshot, you and I.
Tell my mom i love her hahahahahahahhahaha. That's what those soldiers in movies always say before going off somewhere isn't it?
I've got less than 12 hours left and mmm all i can say is that i'm really excited at what God's gonna do! Ha looking at my 7th Jan post, this trip's gonna be an answered prayer (or rather resolution?) and i'm tremendously grateful for this opportunity. Throughout the months i've seen God's hands at work paving the way for the trip. Gonna list em here:
"Woe is me, for I am ruined!
Because I am a man of unclean lips,
And I live among a people of unclean lips;
For my eyes have seen the King, the Lord of hosts."
Then one of the seraphim flew to me with a burning coal in his hand, which he had taken from the altar with tongs. He touched my mouth with it and said, "Behold, this has touched your lips; and your iniquity is taken away and your sins is forgiven."
Then I heard the voice of the Lord, saying, "Whom shall I send, and who will go for Us?" Then I said, "Here I am. Lord send me!". (Isaiah 6:4a-8)
I'm far from perfect. I have issues that I have to deal with, struggles I have to go through and obstacles I need to overcome. But praise be to the Lord our God, our giver of grace, our well of strength, our fortress of love that keeps me going.
I'm cleansed. I found Him to be faithful and righteous to forgive me for my sins and iniquities. I know that there'd be a day that I'll have to stand before Him, fearing not for the things I've done because I know I've been forgiven, but what about the things that I should have done but did not?
I'm called. Not in dreams nor fancy visions, no loud booming voice nor clouds that suddenly form words. It's nothing mystical. It's just how much you believe what God says in His Word, "Go and make disciples of all nations and baptize them in the name of the Father, the Son and the Holy Spirit, teaching them to observe what I have commanded you and lo, I am with you always, even to the end of the age."
I'm here. Send me. For all He has done, I'm willing to go. This life I have don't belong to me no more, I've lost my rights to plan out my life the way I want it to be. I don't know if I'd fail Him in the end but at least I would've tried.
"So here I am, Lord send me to the imperfect, that they may know that You have reconciled them to Yourself by the blood of Your Son just as it has been written in Your perfect Gospel."
(and here's a really meaningful song that i've heard.)
Observed today's extra-ordinary general meeting and i'm quite disappointed and discouraged. It seems to me that people treasured their own opinions and views over what God might actually have for us? Do people actually think and pray before they voice their views? Are they not at all afraid that they'd be held accountable to God on Judgment Day?
Is it just gonna be a new building? I'd rather we all get new hearts. If we moved there with such a lousy heart attitude, the new building would just be an shell, devoid of TRUE WORSHIPERS. Where's the heart of expectancy? If people would've prayed 30 seconds a day for the church, they would've felt that God is going to do something NEW and something really really really AWESOME. Or have we accepted our defeat and gotten comfortable in this pit which stinks of unbelief?
At the end of it, i thought to myself, we are the new generation, if the church would grow, it'd grow thru us. I wanna be a Joshua and lay hold on what God has in store for us!
GOD SHAKE US OUT OF OUR STAGNANCY!
"Every time you yield to sin, you are passing a brick to satan to build his stronghold in your life."
