Why? Why? Why?

It's never easy. To live a Christian life of convictions, sacrifice and humbleness. Sure it's easy to live a lukewarm life for God but will that ever be worthy of the One who died for me?

I guess it will never be easy, if i keep looking at myself, my needs, desires and agendas. When God comes and turn my head to the cross, i cant help but feel the reluctance and pain. Oh but thank God that the pain's only temporary. As i step back and look at what and why God's doing it, i cant help to be in awe of the work His doing in my life.

One third of the year had gone by already. As i reflect upon the year last night, desperate to see what God was doing in my life, i realize that He's been hard at work, reviving this heart of mine. As He played thru the significant events that happened, from the Heidi Baker's Conference to the recent power-packed (farewell?) preaching by Pastor Ben, I cant help but to repent for being so ignorant and blind.

It's wonderful, how God uses people. I thank God for many people He has placed in my life. Without their challenges, encouragement and ears, I would've given up long ago. Words spoken by God thru them, shaping my life and hunger for God.

I want to live this life as a Christian, not a half-dead one, but one that has truly died with Christ.

Revival.

Revival in the hearts of His children. I'm sure most of us were touched by the Holy Spirit on both power-packed service on each day, with sermons preached by our beloved Pastor Benjamin whose leaving us.

Revival, a time where His children turn back to Daddy God, running back into His arms, enthroning Him above everthing in our lives once again. A time where repentance and convictions flowed not because of self-righteousness but of love and grace from God. A time where visions were given, new hopes dawned and the blessed assurance became so near. A time where the captives are set free, bondages are broken and demolishing of the enemy's strongholds. A time when hearts are set a blazed, eyes focused on the cross and minds settled on the very truths of God. A time where the battlecry sounded out, the battle trumpet blown and the banner of Christ put up.

It was really an awesome work of the Holy Spirit, in His very presence i was undone, realizing the difference between His heart and mine, i just cant help but to be convicted of the many things that i'm not doing right. Tears just flowed and flowed and the voice of God was just right there, telling and questioning me the things that pierced my heart. It was really so sweet and wonderful experience, to be swept through by the Holy Spirit over and over again and being just so broken by God. 3 people prayed for me on the 2 days, James, Gavin and Jeremy. Everything they prayed for and said just so pricked my heart, that i cant help but to cry and just let the Holy Spirit fill me and impressing His Word into me. I just hope that my mucus didn't land on their hands, but thank God for them.

I feel that revival should be a on-going process. It should never end, our hearts must be renewed and restored every single day. It's something that i want to happen every single day of my life, being so close to God, seeing His glory fall on us and being touched by the power of His Spirit. It's just so awesome. I'm hungry for more, more and more!

Do Not Belittle GOD.

I was on my way to work, just out of Kovan MRT, i dont know how it started but i was just having a conversation with the Holy Spirit. "He is the God of Abraham, Isaac and Jacob". I knew that, i was praying last night telling God that He is the God of Abraham, Isaac and Jacob and the God of me. "God of me", now what makes me to be among those V.I.Ps of the Old Testament? Well, i dont belong to myself anymore, i've been bought at a price and that's it, i belong to God and He's the God of me.

But that's not the whole point. So, i was telling Him back, yea i know that. "He is the Creator of the Earth". I know that too! Isn't it written in Genesis? "In the beginning, God created the heavens and the earth" Gen 1:1. Right there, first line in the Word of God. How could i ever miss that?

"He was the one that parted the Red Seas". Yea man! It's even written that He worked all night to keep the sea dry! Now, i was marveled, as the Holy Spirit declared the awesome work of the Lord.

"He's the God of you". I dont know i must've been pretty slow to the truths. It just struck me that "Wow! The God of all that is the God of me!". Ahh, thank God for such simple revelations (or rather reminders?) But the next thing that really struck me was this, "Dont belittle God". At once i was reminded of the times i was struggling with sin, struggling with confusion and problems that never stop coming. I was just so focused on myself, my own weakness, my sins, my emotions, my problems that God got so de-magnified. God was insulted, His Spirit grieved.

Isn't the God of me, the God over my sins, emotions and problems too? God could part the seas, surely He could part a way for me in my dark times! Don't belittle God, for what is impossible for man is always possible for God, the God of Abraham, Isaac, Jacob and YOU!

"With people this is impossible, but with God all things are possible." Matthew 19:26

Overwhelmed.

And it was pre-service prayer. As James beckoned us to pray for the ministry, all we wanted was one thing, the Holy Spirit's new touch.

And it was just a casual questions. It's 4pm and i asked Jeremy Tay, why so little people? His answer was "You really want to know why? We need a revival."

And it was worship. Emma was praying that God would break hardened hearts and unlock hearts that are sealed away from Him.

And it was lifegroup session. We're going thru the material, on the quote from Rev 2:4-5, when God just spoke to me that we are just like the church of Ephesus.

And it was lifegroup worship. We worshipped with the song "Come Holy Spirit". I was just so touched by this song as i was just walking a close walk with Him, coming to know Him more than just my head knowledge.

And it was at night, in my own room, worshipping and praying, when Jerrold called. We spoke bout some personal stuff. But when it came to a casual question about the youth ministry, i dont know why i just cant control myself but to start crying.

And it was later at night, when i was singing, "Spirit Touch Your Church", i knew that i've caught the fire for revival, a revival in the hearts of God's children.

And it was now, i realize that months ago, during the Heidi Baker's conference, it was right then, at the altar, God started the revival in my heart.

I'm just so overwhelmed.

Hmm time for revamp.

My banner is gone 0.0 probably got deleted by the host. Well i guess i'll make a new one! It's time to put my rusty photoshop skillz to the test. Hmm but before that, what should i design? Hopefully God gives me some inspiration since i dont grow up on crayons = /

B.O.M.G (4)

So the day came. The day God impressed upon my heart. Youth Evangelistic service 29/3/08. I admit i could've prayed more, shared more, encouraged more, fasted more, cried more, love more, yeah i could have done all those but wont it be of my own strength? I've done all that i felt God wanted me to do, but one thing I've done wrong. I forgot all about God's sovereign will, His supreme control over all, His perfect timing and plan, all fogged up by my desire for results.

Street Evangelism was great. We managed to share with lots of youths in Junction 8. But somewhere deep in me was shouting out that it was a failure because we did not manage to get anyone back to the service. Of course i was discouraged and disappointed, I just kept telling the Lord in my heart, "Lord, let there not be an empty altar!" That was the fear that kept hindering me. I really really did not want to see a Evangelistic Service with a empty altar.

It was during worship, i was asking God, "God! why did You put this day in my heart and yet it turned out this way? I thought You're gonna move so mightily!" However i've been thru this before. I know it was no reason for me to be disappointed with God, so i chose surrender. Thank God i've lerant, or else i'll still be in deep frustration.

1 soul was saved. I was the counselor for him and i thank God for such a receptive heart. During dinner, Jasmine spoke to me about today's street e and i told her how i felt. God used her to make it clear to me that i've been desiring results, that's why i was discouraged and disappointed. It was true, as i look upon it now. "I want God to save many people" "I want to see God move so mightily", and more "I wants". Though the desires were right, it became wrong when i forced it upon God's sovereign will. I want to see the results that i've imagined, which may well not be God's plans. I repented.

God did moved in the hearts of His people. I came back to the sanctuary late because i was counseling the new believer and i was immediately pulled into God's presence. I know that God revived the fire in our hearts once again but how long till we let busy schedules and worldly living fog it up? Will we humble themselves and pray and turn away from our worldly ways? Then only will He forgive and heal our land.

"Son, if there is only 1 salvation today will you still believe that I've moved mightily?"

B.O.M.G (3)

Thank God.

I just shared the gospel with a group of secondary school (sec 3) kids who were hanging out at Paya Lebar Community Centre at Kovan. There was a free pool table there and they were there playing. I prayed and wonder what should i do or begin with. Guess it's gonna be that typical questions again but since the group's rather big (around 7 or 8) , i made it into a survey! "So if you were to get involved with an accident tonight, where would you go?".

Haha it was quite funny tho, they were a bunch of easy going kids, "Wah you curse us arh!" lol! However it's the question that will always get people thinking. Then i proceeded with my other questions, like "Do you know who Jesus Christ is?" and "What's your definition of love?". They were a bit distracted tho =( some continued to play pool, some talking on phone and others making fun of me (especially this guy that kept talking back at me haha). However there's always one or two that are listening to me so seriously and keep the others in attention. Thank God for them. I continued to share about God's love and Jesus as a friend that wouldn't leave you forever.

They didn't seem so interested and were getting really impatient. "So any questions?" "Nooooooo..." "Okay so, i can say that all of you want to accept Christ?" *Silence* "Then what's holding you back?" I didn't expect any answer because i just felt that i was just there to invite them for Saturday's Youth Evangelistic service. So i asked that and somehow they were already in a hurry to leave. Then this guy which kept making fun of me and talking back at me asked for my number. I just gave it to him, half expecting him to give me prank calls in the middle of the night.

Well, i was really kinda dejected. So i was just sitting there asking God, "Is this generation worth crying for?". I felt kinda dumb now asking that kind of question because God's answer will always be yes. He loved us so much, that He sent His one and only begotten Son to die for us, how can He not care for this generation? Nevertheless, i was down all the way till i get home.

Then a amazing thing happen, that boy SMSed me! and asked me what time will the service be starting. He said that he will try to come. WOW lol like i was expecting to be prank called or something and now this happened. PRAISE the LORD for such surprises!