Why? Why? Why?

It's never easy. To live a Christian life of convictions, sacrifice and humbleness. Sure it's easy to live a lukewarm life for God but will that ever be worthy of the One who died for me?

I guess it will never be easy, if i keep looking at myself, my needs, desires and agendas. When God comes and turn my head to the cross, i cant help but feel the reluctance and pain. Oh but thank God that the pain's only temporary. As i step back and look at what and why God's doing it, i cant help to be in awe of the work His doing in my life.

One third of the year had gone by already. As i reflect upon the year last night, desperate to see what God was doing in my life, i realize that He's been hard at work, reviving this heart of mine. As He played thru the significant events that happened, from the Heidi Baker's Conference to the recent power-packed (farewell?) preaching by Pastor Ben, I cant help but to repent for being so ignorant and blind.

It's wonderful, how God uses people. I thank God for many people He has placed in my life. Without their challenges, encouragement and ears, I would've given up long ago. Words spoken by God thru them, shaping my life and hunger for God.

I want to live this life as a Christian, not a half-dead one, but one that has truly died with Christ.

Revival.

Revival in the hearts of His children. I'm sure most of us were touched by the Holy Spirit on both power-packed service on each day, with sermons preached by our beloved Pastor Benjamin whose leaving us.

Revival, a time where His children turn back to Daddy God, running back into His arms, enthroning Him above everthing in our lives once again. A time where repentance and convictions flowed not because of self-righteousness but of love and grace from God. A time where visions were given, new hopes dawned and the blessed assurance became so near. A time where the captives are set free, bondages are broken and demolishing of the enemy's strongholds. A time when hearts are set a blazed, eyes focused on the cross and minds settled on the very truths of God. A time where the battlecry sounded out, the battle trumpet blown and the banner of Christ put up.

It was really an awesome work of the Holy Spirit, in His very presence i was undone, realizing the difference between His heart and mine, i just cant help but to be convicted of the many things that i'm not doing right. Tears just flowed and flowed and the voice of God was just right there, telling and questioning me the things that pierced my heart. It was really so sweet and wonderful experience, to be swept through by the Holy Spirit over and over again and being just so broken by God. 3 people prayed for me on the 2 days, James, Gavin and Jeremy. Everything they prayed for and said just so pricked my heart, that i cant help but to cry and just let the Holy Spirit fill me and impressing His Word into me. I just hope that my mucus didn't land on their hands, but thank God for them.

I feel that revival should be a on-going process. It should never end, our hearts must be renewed and restored every single day. It's something that i want to happen every single day of my life, being so close to God, seeing His glory fall on us and being touched by the power of His Spirit. It's just so awesome. I'm hungry for more, more and more!

Do Not Belittle GOD.

I was on my way to work, just out of Kovan MRT, i dont know how it started but i was just having a conversation with the Holy Spirit. "He is the God of Abraham, Isaac and Jacob". I knew that, i was praying last night telling God that He is the God of Abraham, Isaac and Jacob and the God of me. "God of me", now what makes me to be among those V.I.Ps of the Old Testament? Well, i dont belong to myself anymore, i've been bought at a price and that's it, i belong to God and He's the God of me.

But that's not the whole point. So, i was telling Him back, yea i know that. "He is the Creator of the Earth". I know that too! Isn't it written in Genesis? "In the beginning, God created the heavens and the earth" Gen 1:1. Right there, first line in the Word of God. How could i ever miss that?

"He was the one that parted the Red Seas". Yea man! It's even written that He worked all night to keep the sea dry! Now, i was marveled, as the Holy Spirit declared the awesome work of the Lord.

"He's the God of you". I dont know i must've been pretty slow to the truths. It just struck me that "Wow! The God of all that is the God of me!". Ahh, thank God for such simple revelations (or rather reminders?) But the next thing that really struck me was this, "Dont belittle God". At once i was reminded of the times i was struggling with sin, struggling with confusion and problems that never stop coming. I was just so focused on myself, my own weakness, my sins, my emotions, my problems that God got so de-magnified. God was insulted, His Spirit grieved.

Isn't the God of me, the God over my sins, emotions and problems too? God could part the seas, surely He could part a way for me in my dark times! Don't belittle God, for what is impossible for man is always possible for God, the God of Abraham, Isaac, Jacob and YOU!

"With people this is impossible, but with God all things are possible." Matthew 19:26

Overwhelmed.

And it was pre-service prayer. As James beckoned us to pray for the ministry, all we wanted was one thing, the Holy Spirit's new touch.

And it was just a casual questions. It's 4pm and i asked Jeremy Tay, why so little people? His answer was "You really want to know why? We need a revival."

And it was worship. Emma was praying that God would break hardened hearts and unlock hearts that are sealed away from Him.

And it was lifegroup session. We're going thru the material, on the quote from Rev 2:4-5, when God just spoke to me that we are just like the church of Ephesus.

And it was lifegroup worship. We worshipped with the song "Come Holy Spirit". I was just so touched by this song as i was just walking a close walk with Him, coming to know Him more than just my head knowledge.

And it was at night, in my own room, worshipping and praying, when Jerrold called. We spoke bout some personal stuff. But when it came to a casual question about the youth ministry, i dont know why i just cant control myself but to start crying.

And it was later at night, when i was singing, "Spirit Touch Your Church", i knew that i've caught the fire for revival, a revival in the hearts of God's children.

And it was now, i realize that months ago, during the Heidi Baker's conference, it was right then, at the altar, God started the revival in my heart.

I'm just so overwhelmed.

Hmm time for revamp.

My banner is gone 0.0 probably got deleted by the host. Well i guess i'll make a new one! It's time to put my rusty photoshop skillz to the test. Hmm but before that, what should i design? Hopefully God gives me some inspiration since i dont grow up on crayons = /