Praises

Like all parents from asian culture, my parents wouldn't praise me for anything good that i've done. Most often, i find them talking humbly about me when i became a topic of discussion in their conversations with relatives and neighbours. But praise the Lord for i have such loving parents though they dont really show their love to me openly.

Today was my self-declared Slack Day. After working like crazee for 3 weeks non-stop, i find myself so drained. Especially the last week when our team's game is coming together which was one of the toughest part of all. Starting work at 9 and ending at 9 at night, leaves me really tired from all the staring and thinking of codes. Once home, tiredness always seems to grab hold of me and i found myself falling asleep during my quiet time. Drained dry and spiritually weaken, i was like a living zombie like the rest of my other team mates. We even had to stay over at our friend's house on the last day before presentation to finish debugging our game. Thank God we managed to complete the game on time. Presentation was great. The teachers seemed impressed and i just received news that they have interest in our game and will be calling us back next monday.

Ahh though the game's been a success, i knew that i sacrificed most of my time with God to put more effort into it. Thursday was the presentation and yet to me it was a day of thanksgiving to God for sustaining me throughout the weeks. Though i found myself dried up, i knew God was there protecting me and His grace ever surrounding me which gave me enough strength to stand up against the enemies daily.

Okay. That was kinda a big side track. back to Slack day. So i was doing chores for my parents today cause they asked me to. Well back in the old days i could have probably rebelled and not do them at all. But praise the Lord, I did chores today without complains. Well, hadn't the Lord called us to honour our parents? In my little obedience to my parents i hope i've gave glory to God. They indirectly praised me as they were comparing my sister and me. Yeap i was kinda delighted and encouraged but i was really hoping that they remember that I've told them before that i'll honour them because Jesus told me to. Well, i guess all things start small, may my little actions of obedience to them show them the transformation which is happening in me.

Praise the Lord!

Deceit of the enemy

It's lifegroup meeting again and this week we're continuing on experiencing God as a church. We learnt more on God's love for us and what He has called us to do, which is to love one another earnestly from a pure heart. It's like cool! I keep learning bout that in this new season and really open my heart to more reflections. Everything was well until worship when my leader asked us to approach our accountability partner or anybody that we wanted to say thanks to. I didnt know why but i was stumped.

I suddenly felt so alone, as i open my eyes to look around me i saw all the other lifegroup members rejoicing and in prayer. I knew that from this moment i've let my guard down against the enemy. The enemy bombarded my with things that made my head so confused and soon i found myself crying. Words like, "did anyone ever gave a damn bout you?", "how can you be a blessing to them if they're not even your blessing?", "does anyone call you at all during your week to ask you how are you doing?", "you have nobody to confide in", "you are alone". The more these words rang out the more i couldn't focus and i found myself in the enemy's toying. Although i knew i was under spiritual attack, i just couldn't face up to the challenge because most of the time i found myself really alone in this walk with God (cept with the Holy Ghost and my leader).

The ordeal lasted really long even until dinner with the others and going home. I don't know but i just cried on my bed. I need to come to God. Praise the Lord, as i came into His refuge the enemy has no chance of touching me. He showed me that i existed in people's prayers and that simply was enough for me to break the enemy's deceptions! He also reminded me of being a blessing to others which is always better than receiving. Through this it just made me more determined to love my brothers more and i guess the enemy's just trying to stop me, not only he failed but i got stronger! Praise the Lord!

new season of life!

As baptism draws closer and closer, i think i'm entering a new season of life! God has new directions for me and new focuses are put in my mind and it all points to one thing, a new self!
"Therefore if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation, the old has gone and the new has come!" 2 Cor 5:17

With new strength to live for His name everyday as a good testimony, courage and determination to deal with my human self, love and compassion to grow in the relationship of the brothers in Christ. All i've got to say is that i'm totally excited at what God's gonna teach and do in this new season!

death to the old self, born again with Christ.

Have I been of good testimony?

Very often at the end of a day when i'm doing my quiet time, i'd ask God if i was a good testimony in His name. Have i cared enough for others? Have i shown love to people? Have my deeds and actions impacted anyone in a good way? Well, God would very often convict me of the things i did or the words that i've said which do not have a good impact on others. It's good, to see what you have done during the day flash past you and hear God's comments on them. But as convicted as i may be, very often i fall back to the same ways the next day. I guess its really time to break free from this cycle and seek His strength to really shine His light to the people around me in my family and school and cca.

Lol that sounded as if i was a bad testimony in wherever i go. Well, i dont use colourful languages nor bark at people or whatsoever, but is this enough to be a good testimony? How do you define being good in the sight of people? If pleasing people was so hard, then wouldnt pleasing someone perfect like God be even harder? But praise the Lord, He has enabled us to live blamelessly and pleasing His sight by giving something to us, which is GRACE. Grace enables us to pick ourselves up every single time we fall short of His glory but sometimes i guess it's over-emphasized. No matter how graceful and loving God is, He IS Holy and Righteous. If we continue to dwell in His grace and not seek repentance, wouldn't we be fooling ourselves and worst still, abusing God's grace?

Back on topic, just like the song "Spirit touch the church", theres a part, "I want to care for others like Jesus cares for me" I must strive to be a person who is just like that! I'm sure with the empowerment of God i'll be able to lead such a life that people may see Jesus in me.

like the city on the hill, i'll shine for You..

Love

"Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres"
1 Corinthians 14:12

thank God for His great love for us. A love that forgives, a love that never condemns. A love that is everlasting, a love that grants us freedom. A love that is totally free!

It saddens me everyday to see youths hugging and kissing in public and to see in my msn contacts' nicks which often very much contains sadness from failed relationships. Blogs filled with emotional rants and all that. So i was wondering, Lord, why are they looking so hard for love everywhere when there is one that will always be here? If only they could come to know of Your great love, there wouldn't be so much sadness in them! This love is more than just hugs and kisses, it never fails and it is always there. But the best part is..its totally FREE! 100% Chopped Guaranteed with infinite years of warranty.

I guess, what i have seen serves as a reminder to the Burden Of My Generation. That youths out there need God! Youths are falling victims to so many unfortunate situations and where have my compassion go?

Someday

1st day of Studio Project = great. Got pretty good progress at the first day of the project. Well 1 day down 2 weeks 6 days to go!

Project ended at 5:30 got home by 6 and i decided to go for a run. My mom asked if i wanted to go and pay respects to my ancestors and burn joss paper, but i insisted on going for a run. To my surprise she said ok instead of nagging bout me being unfilial and all that. I guess she kinda accepted and understand that i'm a Christian now and i'm not really keen to do this kind of thing. But then again i felt that i should have went because i didnt want to appear rebellious or unrespectful to my parents. So i was running and asking God what i should have done. He reminded me of a answer Pastor Ben gave me when i asked him if i should do this kinda thing even it was just pretense. He said that ultimately God knows my heart but it will be good if i can explain to my parents that i shouldn't do this kinda thing anymore.

After the run i met my family downstairs and they were still burning joss paper. I felt kinda left out and throughout the duration my dad was really quiet. I was pondering what he was thinking of... We went for dinner after that and my dad starting talking bout religions. He said free thinkers are the best because they are not inclined to do this or not to do that. Yes, he's correct. But what happens to free thinkers when they die?

He went on talking bout no matter what religion it is, there are still evil people in it and that nobody except 1 in a million is truely good. So i was wondering, yeap thats true. However do Jesus Christ require us to do good deeds before he grants us salvation? Must you donate 1 million dollars to charity before you qualified to be saved? Must you spend half your life helping elderly or the needy before salvation is granted to you? NO! even if you are a murderer, robber or whatever not, salvation will still be granted to you! It is not based on good deeds or the actions you give, it's the GRACE of God! and simply by FAITH we accept this salvation.

Although from all this i know that my parents do not know the truth yet, i felt compelled to tell them the truth. But i was hindered by the fact that they were too much in disbelief. As we were walking home, i was convicted of my disobediance and i prayed for an opportunity. In the lift, my mom jokingly asked why such a everything-also-dont-want-but-just-want-to-be-free-free type of person like me would become a Christian. I said that yes a free life is good but what happens after that? I want to go to heaven and not hell. My dad started saying that yea every religion says that. Then he started talking bout my elder uncle's religion (i'm not sure what it's called but i think they worship alot of different gods) which kept saying bout the same thing bout heaven and hell too. I explained the difference between Christianity and that. My dad chuckled and said that this kind of thing how can believe because nobody of this age has seen it. Immediately i was reminded of what Jesus said to Thomas. "Because you have seen Me, you have believed; blessed are those who have not seen and yet have believed" John 20:29. Well i gave a short translated chinese version and though he didnt say anything after that, i believe somehow something was cleared up.

I'm sure God will open more opportunities for me to share more about the gospel to my parents. Someday they will understand and the truth will set them free!

Light of the World, You Step Down Into Darkness

Saturday and Sunday became my favourite days coz i get to be in the house of God and to be among God lovin' people. I'm glad to be there than anywhere else in the world. It's like throughout the week i am blasted with loads and loads of stress and troubles from school and all, and all i can look forward to is the weekends. Well, praise God that i could have the privilege of being found in His house!

We learnt bout God's great Salvation and His great love for us during LG meeting. I've always wondered why God would keep forgiving us over and over again even if we have failed Him a million times. And the answer was simply He loves us. He loves us so much that he sent His Son to die for us while we are still His enemies.

WOW seems like i've been brainwashed or something. Well, the truth is that, if anybody would come to know of His love and experiences it, he/she would have said the same thing. After accepting Christ bout 6 months ago, my life changed. And its still changing day by day. Even though i may still fall sometimes, God and His people is always there to pick me up and i'll grow even more. It's been goooood so far and it's high time i spread His love to the people surrounding me!

i'll never know how much it costs to see my sins upon that cross......

God works in mysterious ways O.O

Truely God works in ways we can never fathom. For the past weeks i've been visiting this blog thinking that it was one of my church youth leader's blog. From there God spoke to me loads and on top of that, there was a lesson i learnt there which really made a impact on how am i walking with God. Well it was this message (or something like that): God's grace for us should not be taken granted of and certainly not for us to abuse. God's grace for us is to lead us into lives of perfection and sanctification for His name. Well firstly, from this i felt that, yes, for sure that God will forgive us no matter how many times we fail Him in the area of sin or trust, but definitely at some point of time we might come to think that "aiyah God surely will forgive me, so let me just continue to...". This simple message just made me reaffirm myself to lead a holy life worthy of Him although i may fail sometimes at least I wouldnt repeat or dwell in the failure.

Ok coming back to the main topic, the blog didnt actually belong to that youth leader of mine. It was some unknown person to me. It certainly wasnt coincidence. It's like wow, i went to this blog thinking its one of my youth leader's blog, actually learnt something which has so much impact in my walk with God and then finding out that the blog was never his! Well, praise God! I found out it wasnt his blog after the poster posted some pictures bout her (yea. it's a her) parent's birthday and i was wondering: "eh? how come dont have him inside the pictures" then i checked my friend's link to the correct blog and finally found out that i went to the wrong blog.

haha well no matter how mysteriously God works, it's GOOOOOD!

Benedict

I've been thinking of a Christian name for my baptism for quite a while now. So i was speaking to God one day in the lift (yes. the lift. as in elevator.) and He said Benedict. I was like huh? i knew there was a word called benediction but didnt know got such a name called Benedict. I didnt know the meaning of the name tho, was thinking in the line of benefits LOL. Well sorta. It means blessed. Since the Lord has spoken then i shall be called Benedict! lol was thinking of calling myself Max or James since they're my favourite childhood names.

Baptism is really coming soon! it's been pushed forward by 1 month! Tho i'm really excited, i'm kinda worried too. By going thru the water baptism means directly going against my parent's wishes. They specifically said that i should never be baptised. However i guess obediance to God shall be put first and i cant wait to die to my old self and be born again! i believe one day my parents will understand because one day they're gonna be saved too.

I finally found the song: "Open the eyes of my heart". Tho its 24 dollars (T_T) for the cd, i guess its really worth it, coz i also managed to find a couple of other songs i'm really fond of in the cd.

Open the eyes of my heart Lord,
Open the eyes of my heart,
I want to see You...

Sacrifice for the love of God's people

The 2nd death was confirmed. The death of another South Korean Christian volunteer to Afghanistan. As i was pondering over the news, i was wondering God, what are You doing? Why are You letting your people die? A overwhelming sadness came upon me as i thought of the families and friends who had lost their loved ones. Not only did i feel sad but i started to feel really angry at those terrorists. It just dosent make sense! These volunteers went to Afghanistan to aid the country and to provide medical service for their people and yet they received this kind of persecution?

As i continued pondering, God must have seen how confused i am, and i heard Him saying, Wouldnt these people be in heaven? I guess heaven is a better place than this. However i also felt that if this is the will of God, there must be a reason to what He's gonna do or did. I'm pretty sure that if this was a calling of God to the 23 who went, even if they knew that they were going to meet such dangers, i believe that they will still go. Who knows? Through this incident, things can happen! God uses us to His plans and although sometimes His direction may lead us into difficult situations, I believe that our faith is the most important thing that will be put in the test! I just pray that comfort will fall upon the friends and families of the 2 casualties. On top of this, God's love is for all, no matter if you murdered or how much bad things you've done, as long as you accept Jesus and seek true repentance, God will transform you into a totally new person!

Lord, let Your will be done.