Striking the Balance. Not.

Merry Christmas anyone! =)

Okay i got myself thinking really hard after reading a blog post from a friend. It was about how unchristian christians being looked down upon, isolated and ignored by a so-called "set-apart" group of christians that are on fire for God. This was the icing on the cake that God's giving me today, the cake of conviction of course. I'm sadden by my loveless-ness.

I was hoping to do some charity work this Christmas night. I walked down a underpass with 3 needy people selling tissue papers and i did nothing. nothing at all. yea so much for "charity work". I dont love them enough. Then a Voice said, "How can you love the people outside when you cant love the people inside?". Certainly my heart has grown cold, cold enough to stop loving (agape).

You are on fire for God, pursuing Him with all that you have, trying your best to live a holy life by His strength and grace. You see someone not doing so well, his heart hardened to God and it was as if he couldn't care less if God was still real to him. You see his attitude, his actions and the words he uses just ticks you off. You get a "holy dissatisfaction, or a holy anger", you judge, you say to yourself, "i'm not going near him lest i get polluted, i just want to be with my Jesus." You thought you judge righteously, you thought you were like Jesus flippin' those tables of those thugs in the temple. But you forgot all about the Jesus who dined with sinners. Oh and also the Jesus who died for their sins.

God have mercy on me. I'm that "you" in that previous paragraph. Oh that i may love the way my Saviour does. That i may tilt the balance towards love over judgement...

Desert Trip.

Honestly, who likes being in a desert? But i thank God that i'm going through one right now, cause i know when i emerge out of it, i'm gonna be stronger. than ever.

Discouraged but Moving On.

Worship today was a blast. It's been so long(couple of weeks or more perhaps?) since i encountered God in communal worship and i really thank God for anointing Clarence as he led today. It's awesome isnt it? To approach a God whose not "dead" but able to give such life to everyone who would humble himself to receive from the Him. Ahh if only this unworthy servant would be more fervent and loyal.

Anyhow, the things that are going on in the youth ministry are not exactly edifying nor encouraging. Nope it's not the teachings nor the leaders, but us, the sheeps. Mehhhh~. I'm incredibly sadden on so many occasions that i just cant help but weep. Oh, not forgetting that i've to plead for mercy time to time for judging people. However i consider it to be a good opportunity to be moulded in this area heh heh, quit judging and start lovin'. What a hard thing to do though..

Any sane man with any bit of a relationship with God would be discouraged. But i guess that same man with that bit of a relationship with God just cant stay that discouraged forever, because the God he's serving aint a dead God and certainly not one that does nothing about the sheeps that are going astray. Yea and God would certainly use all the hands and feets from all the people He can get to poke those who aint doing so well.

Ahh but this unworthy servant still has lotsa rough edges to be smoothened. This tool still has to sit on the anvil for a while more, sharpened and shaped by the Blacksmith into something He can use. The tool's gettin abit impatient (and in that process a few more rough edges popped out) but the Blacksmith know when it's gonna be ready. Yea i'm so reminded of why God wanted me to stay, it's to "go thru some things". It's exciting. I know i'm looking forward. Though it's not very clear with this fog of discouragement. But i can see a pair of big hands doing some big things and i wanna be part of that ...

and you know something? "It's always the dead that needs reviving..." - by me (someone else probably said this before but i've not encountered that yet).

the Beatitudes: Blessed are those who mourn.

"Blessed are those who mourn, for they shall be comforted." Matthew 5:4

The very verse that put humanism to the contrary. (*)Humanism says that the chief end of being is the happiness of man and here the verse talks about mourning, grieving and weeping. However i'd also like to note that Christianity isn't just bout crying either. Anyhow, why should we be found mourning?

I believe that as we grow and walk closer to God, we actually become more broken, more mournful. As i look into the news especially at these unsettling times, sometimes i just feel so burdened to pray and cry out to God for the nations. I look down the carriages of a MRT or stand at the top level of a shopping centre looking down and i just feel a overwhelming sadness that cries out to God that He'd break this indifference. Maybe that's just me, but even in the Bible, all the men and women of God were found weeping at some point, the prophet Jeremiah was even nicknamed the weeping prophet by Leonard Ravenhill.

I've asked God for tears many times in my life, because tears are just awesome. Lol the world says "real man dont cry", but the Word of God says "They that sow in tears shall reap in joy" (Psa 126:5), now i'm not gonna let "manly pride" take away the joy that is to come. Also let us be comforted that God remembers our tears and store them in a bottle (Psa 56:8).

So may it be for the multitudes out there who dont know God or for our sins and weaknesses, don't be afraid to mourn and cry out for He will turn our sorrows into joy one day.

*A small note:
"Humanism says the chief end of being is the happiness of man." - as defined by Paris Reidhead in his sermon, "Ten Shekels and a Shirt" (awesome sermon btw.)

the Beatitudes: Blessed are the poor in the spirit.

It's been a long time since i blogged about anything at all here. Looking back at the blog posts, i realized that i've been prideful and so not gentle. Ha i guess i'm not the same now, thank God He has brought me on a season of refining and CHANGE. I'm still not perfect though, but i believe God who started this good work is faithful to finish it!

Beatitudes: from Latin beatus, meaning "blessed" or "happy".

I just started studying this portion of scripture a couple weeks ago and it's been an amazing ride. It's almost 2 years in my walk with God and it's such a shame on me that i couldn't even remember such a beautiful and important chapter. So i'm taking it real slowly, one verse at a time and i find God speaking to me so much more than reading a few chapters a day.

In this portion of scripture, Jesus was preaching a sermon on a mountain about the different qualities and character of those who will inhabit His kingdom. The first of the Beatitudes is this: "Blessed are the poor in the spirit, for theirs is the Kingdom of heaven" ( Matt 5:3)

The promise of such a quality is the inheritance of the Kingdom of heaven. But what does it mean to be poor in the spirit? I liken it to a spiritual beggar. A beggar is lowly and humble in contrast to the arrogance of a rich man. He is desperate, i mean really desperate like his whole life depends on everything that he begged for. He has no dignity, no ego, nothing to boast of.

I want to be a spiritual beggar, possessing nothing, only what is given from the Lord's hands. To be broken and contrite, never be full of myself and never to be arrogant of being "better" than anyone else. Desperate and reliant on God for everything.

Ahh the blessedness of possessing nothing and yet gaining everything.

Revival Aint a Pretty Rainbow.

I've resolved that no matter what changes, no matter what happens, i'm still gonna cling on to the vision of revival. Sure thing, God aint all about revival, but isn't that His heart beat? Doesn't His heart go out for sinners and the great multitude out there that does not know Him?

Revival? It certainly ain't a trivial thing in the sight of GOD and we're called to pray, commissioned to preach the Good News and to stand in the gap. I really hope that nothing will blind us of this vision, if we cared more about our own souls for all our lives and let the people out there die without knowing who Jesus is, then surely our souls are not worthy to be saved in the first place.

Urgency. That's what i'm lacking and i'm ashamed. I'm thoroughly ashamed of my lack of prayer, lack of passion and lack of consistency. Praise be to God that He is ever so patient in reminders. I'm just gonna keep returning to the vision and letting Him equip me.

Honestly, i dont care if someone says i'm wrong. Someone may say someone's right and someone else wrong but there's only One that is right and that is God (for that, i dont even dare to say that my views are right! i dont want pride to cover the ears of my heart!).

As long as my heart is right and open before my King, i'm sure no one else can rob His desires and His calling for me. No man nor work of the devil can thwart the plans of God and who are we as men to pass judgments?

Why?

Just a sudden thought. Is Christianity really complex? How come we seem to keep struggling in a vicious cycle in our process of molding and sanctification?

The reason came quick, well it's because...

"We're trying to fit God into our lives, in our work, our schools, our camps, our situations."

But i guess God's too big to be in there. It isn't suppose to be like that right? Why all the frustration? Why all the anger? All the confusion and defeat? Seems like we're doing things wrong.

We're constantly asking and arguing with God about having things our way, trying to fit Him in the picture while He wants us to paint another one. "... yet not what I will, but what Thou wilt." Mark 14:36

And what happens then? no peace -> =( -> run after things of the world to fill the void -> come back to God crying -> God brings you back -> paints your own picture again and there you go, a cycle.

I remember when i was young, i was really bad at art. But my dad was an art person and he always held my hand when i'm learning to draw. How bout we start letting God hold our hands and paint the picture? (Instead of drawing a picture and feel bad about it because it's ugly and crushing it and redrawing another one and then feel it's ugly again.) I guess it's about letting go, and asking and abiding in His love.

It sounds easier said than done but who says it's that hard? With a God that loves and cares that sent His very Son to die for us, how can it be hard? It's sounds hard because we've tried and failed and hardened our hearts.

I'm learning to let go too. Praise God that He's so interested in our lives.