Would you pick up the cross and surrender your will?

That's what i felt God was asking me for a few weeks now. Surrendering my all. Picking up the cross. What do all these really mean? One thing i'm sure it's no easy task.

I was sadden by my friends as they were so eagerly defending the activity of clubbing. I dont condemn clubbing by itself. However i condemn the harmful activities that may be involved. Drug peddling, dosage, sex hook ups and addiction to drinking are all in the circle of clubbing. Another thing was that i was against Christians especially youths going to clubs because it does not glorify God, not even a single bit. Unless you're Reinhard Bonnke who once stepped into the club and stopped the music and preached a message and everyone repented of their sins and accepted Christ.

As i was walking home i was asking God, how come it's so hard reaching out to them? Will they ever come to accept you? But God just said "Would you give up your all and follow me?" "I'm going to use you but only if you surrender all" And i just cried and wept as i walked home, because i knew my answer was no.

Sometimes, i just wish that God would just take me by force. How i wish He would rob my heart out of it's willfulness and stubbornness. Just where is my true point of surrender?