Looking Back.

9 more days to POP and i am so happy. I'm tired, really tired mentally all this while trying to cope with the things that's happening in me. I've somewhat changed and i'm not really liking the "me" right now but hey, now that's a motivation to change for the better.

I guess it's been too long since i spend time, like real quality and proper time with God. I can imagine my "spirit man" drying up, like spongebob out of water and i'm not doing much about it. I'm just really punched out by fatigue and it really killed my desire to go to church sometimes. Army's such a big test and it revealed so much ugliness in me and just what my faith stands on.

And there's the matters of the heart as well. My esteem took several blows looking at how i'm going downhill on my morality and principles that i just dont see myself worthy of who she is. I guess that's why i've not been contacting her at all and argh it's kinda killing me.

Oh if only i could find the "off" buttons for my emotions. Oh wait i think i found it, army. Ha, i used to look forward to booking in because i thought that army was fun and full of new experiences (it really is.), now i look forward to it because it numbs me. I just have to go around and do stuff people tell me to but come bedtime when these thoughts return, all i could do is switch on my ipod and listen to my "emo songs" playlist.

Ahhh, at the end of it all, all i can say is that "nothing seems right when i'm not with You".